changes

I'm sorry that I'm weak Lord, but I thank You for illuminating me through.

It has been a blessed academic year. I've gained much, I've lost some.

I admit that most of the time, changes are for the better. But sometimes, when we lost something that has been a part of ourselves for so many years, even if it's a bad one, we feel the loss.

We feel like we've forgotten who we are, that we've lost trace of who we used to be. But if it's for Your glory Lord, no matter how painful it is, let it be. I'm grieving, but I'm also holding unto You.

Though it's been a weird year, that I should go through this particular circumstance, I realise that I've come to understand things I never did. Now I understand why apostle Paul wrote what he wrote in 1 Corinthians 7:25-35, because I've felt it, I've experienced it.

It's hard for humanly love, and Godly love to live together. Yes, it can be in total harmony, but most of the time, when one is present, one has to give way. It's hard to have the thoughts of your loved one, and meditate upon the Lord at the same time, except in prayers.

At this point, I cannot do much. It's not like I wanted to feel like this in the first place. It just happens. So I'm sorry. Whatever may be, may God provide me a way to fusing the both, that I may also bless others.

And if it's possible, I pray that He take away it all, and free me from this bond. I wanted to feel like a friend again. A normal friend. It felt like a betrayal and a lie unto her by waking up everyday with this kind of feeling.

But even if this is meant to remain, I believe I can live with it through the rest of my life. Yes, I believe I can.

Whatever it is, let me not lose focus on the works You're doing inside me. Let it not because of this I'm missing out on the actual thing You planned by creating this circumstance.

Whatever it is, I'll keep waiting for Your grace to be upon my face, I'll wait for the time that I can stand proud in front of her, with no extra motive or feelings. Yea.

Whatever it is, let me live through this, let me live to tell of Your goodness.

For our pitiful feelings cannot compare to Your everlasting Love.