Friday, February 17, 2006

in silence

To the one i loved deeply, but probably would never be told so:

For me to know you, is a miracle. I've never thought that someone could notice so much about me, I've never thought someone could know so much about me.

For the hurts done, for the wrong things spoken, for the walks that didn't go well, I'm sorry.

Know that I never mean it so, when I would give the world just for your smile.

Know that you're always on my mind, not 24/7, but most of the time, yea.
No matter what I do, no matter where I am, there's time when I'll suddenly think of you.

Know that I read your smses over and over again, just to read the things you wrote.

Know that I love to chat with you, even when there's nothing to say.

Keeping my feelings to myself does hurt. Knowing that you probably would never know hurts. Realising that I might not be able to be with you for the rest of my life hurts.

But instead of risking this friendship just to make known this feelings, I rather swallow it in. And believing that God would match you with someone better, somehow, I'm relieved. And having faith that God will bless you with a happier life somewhere with someone other than me, tears will still roll down my cheek, but my lips will still keep the smile.

There are times I wonder whether I'll keep this feeling forever, even when you're already far away.

Should I?

There are times I wonder whether I'll still have the same feeling up in heaven, when we're all with Jesus.

Or will it disappear?

There are times when I wonder what would happen if we were to walk the rest of our lives together?

I'd probably not be good enough for you, but if we are meant to be, you'd probably become my inspiration to be a better person, second only to God.
The thought that I'll get in the way of your bright future is always there, but the same goes to the thought of wanting to be there, seeing and sharing your every achievements.
And I would never want you to love me more than you love the Lord, because only then I can know that you'd understand the things I would do for Him.
Even when the feelings' gone, we'd walk the rest of our lives in close friendship, a bond that can never be broken, sanctified by marriage.

That would probably be it, but then again, it'd probably not be.

But that's enough a dream for the day, I would never tell anyway.

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