a better judgement

Right now, I've come to a point where I once again question my own ability of judgement.

Most of my decisions, are not decisions made after seeking God, but instead, relying on own agenda, and faith that God will make something out of the decision.

I find it troubling to having explain the reason to certain of my doings, because how can I let someone see what I see? The views that I have, the belief that I hold on to, they're different from other people.

Or maybe sometimes, I look too much towards myself. Maybe I should focus on what people wants rather than what I want more?

Right now, I don't really know whether there's any correct things I've done in the past. There's so many things I've done and decided, that I think is right at that particular moment. But now, I'm doubting it.

I know I wouldn't make the most correct decision most of the time, and there are indeed some things that I'm doing that I'm not really sure whether it should go this way.

But having to question back what you've already done that you think was correct, even till now, I need my pride taken away. I need people to stop giving praises that I don't deserve.
I didn't do any good job, so don't bother congratulating me or giving me a pat on the shoulder.

And right now, somehow, I'm not liking this line of work that God has gave me to do, once again. I hated it once, but when I got used to it, I grew to like it. And now, I'm not liking it once again.

But by feeling like this, am I actually disbelieving my own abilities, or God's capabilities? Am I limiting myself, or am I limiting Him?

No, it's not self-pity, but I think it's probably because my pride has been hurt. Heh. To think I still have that. And a whole lot of it.

Wouldn't You take away this prideful person, Lord? Life would be so much easier to pass if I'd just become more humble.

I know You don't need my help Lord, but rather, I'm the one who need You. But if there's anything You wanted me to do, just tell. I hope I'll do it and not get discouraged easily. And it all depends on how large is your sphere of mercy Lord. :)

I look forward to a good sunday. Help me make it, instead of just hoping and waiting for it.

A good day doesn't happen on its own; It is made.