Friday, June 24, 2005

joy unlike the world's

How blessed I am today!
The way His grace poured unto me,
The flow of His mercy is unstoppable,
His love comforts me!

I said I'll give Him the glory for every little happiness in my life. So here I am, sharing it to all. *grin*

I asked for help in my lab session from God, and He granted it to me, was able to did the experiment without much problems, and it was unexpectedly fun! And there's this short Q&A session with the lecturer-in-charge. Given the understanding of the experiment, by His grace, me and my lab partner answered confidently. Wanted to answered in a more detailed manner but the lecturer kept saying "very good, very good", so I was like, "huh, are you sure you don't wanna listen summore?" No I didn't said that, but I wanted to. :P

Thank You Lord for lifting me up, and let me not be deceived anymore by the lies of the devil, trying to bring me down and render me an ineffective Christian. Let my pride be You, and let my joy be from the Holy Spirit.

God, help me to bless others,
That I may be blessed also,
Casting my cares aside,
To You who tends to it.

Thank You God for today! I yearn to see Your wonders more and more, in my life, and in the life of others.
Glory be unto You.

Thursday, June 23, 2005

shy out

Do I have to change? To be a person who can survive better in the midst of a crowd?
Do I have to change? To be a person who don't panic in the crowd?
Do I have to change? To be a person who preaches to multitudes?
Do I have to change? To be a person that I am not?

Second week of the semester, first week of CG, and I'm already exhausted, disheartened and my tears might just drop some time later.
Probably it's my fault, for God made me realise that I cannot fuse weekdays with games and with responsibilities. Something has to be booted out, and it has to be the games.

But still, what's with all this expectations? Expect me to do great things?

Don't do that. I don't even know why am I called to this position. How could it be? The seniors must've made some mistakes. They must've judged me wrongly.

I am just an insignificant being who always get in God's way, obstructing His works. This filthy heart do not seek His way, this lips speak things which are offensive, this mind is far from His', and this body is broken and beaten up.

Do you not see that I am a person of poor judgment? Do you not see that I am a misfit? Do you not see that I don't do well in crowds? Then why must I do all this? Can't you see the more I try to blend in, the more foolish I look, the more idiotic I become, the weirder I'd be?

The place I'd choose to be is by the corner, listening to conversations.
The place I'd choose to be is where I encourage people to voice out, and I remain silent.
The place I'd choose to be is is where people shines more and I dim out.

Right now I wish to flee a while. But I do not know where I can go.
I wanna go somewhere secluded and wait for His comfort.
I wanna go somewhere far and wait till He brings joy back to me again.

Self-pity, I have become. Sulking, I am. Let me be for a while. God won't let me go for long. He'll push me back there into the crowds again. Where He meant me to belong.

Sunday, June 19, 2005

why do we fall?

"Why do we fall?" The question that was repeated a lot of times in "Batman Begins." The answer in the movie was "so that we can learn to pick ourselves up."

For me, my answer is "so that we can learn to rely on God to pick us up."

It sounds simple, where we don't need to do a thing but wait for God to clear things up, but you forgot something. He's willing to pick you up whenever you fall, but on your side, you need to extend your hand to grasp His, and push ourselves up from the ground as He pulls us.

In the movie, the person that caught my attention was not Batman, but his father. He had such love for the people in his city to actually care for their welfare, and act on this passion. Even when he's in the midst of being robbed, he was so calm, not even bearing any hatred to the robber, and even died protecting his wife.

Such love. Such passion.

Can we christians carry that kind of love for the brethrens in our churches?
Can we christians carry that kind of passion to seek out the lost and guide them to salvation, just as other christians once led us from our darkness, to the Light?
Can we christians have such forgiveness for those who did us wrong, who hurt us, because their eyes are not opened to their crime?

If we will, let God enable us to do all things, that He wills for us.

The nice thing about Batman is that, well, though he hit people (can we call that self defense? :P), he never ignored injustice, but doesn't deal with the person's punishment. He leave it to the law.

I'm a person who's afraid of conflicts, avoiding any that I see, even trying not to be involved in other's. But God doesn't want me to overlook injustice, even when I'm scared. I pray that He give me the boldness to oppose injustice, but leaving the judgment to His hand, because vengeance is of the Lord. He will repay according to their works.

OK, away from movie, back to reality, I found out that this responsibility that I've just picked up, it's not that easy to deal with it. Sometimes I question my need to do it, when I should be having fun, doing things I wanted to do. The reason I'm doing it is because firstly, God has called me. Second, because of the hope of my seniors. And thirdly, because I've long to serve them, to be able to be a blessings to them.

Well, I can't say things for sure now, because it has just started. But I'm sure there'll be a time when I'll be discouraged. Sometimes we get disappointed with people, because they're not who we expect them to be. Sometimes we feel down, because things don't go the way that we hope them to be.

Yet, is that a good reason to stop?
Should a person who plan to build a tower not count the cost needed to build it? Lest he build it halfway and can continue no more, because he has no more money.
Likewise, once we've decided to care for someone, or take up a responsibility, we should be prepared for things that are to come, be it good or bad.

If we wanted to care for someone, can we blame the person for pushing our love away? We can't expect everyone to wanting to accept our feelings for them. What matters is you've decided that you wanted to care for the person, you should be prepared for rejection. And since I've decided to taken up certain responsibility, well, problems are inevitable, extra work is expected. I just have to face it with the strength from God.

Galatians 5:18 - And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.

Therefore, if we are working for a good cause, do not worry much, for God is with us. If you can't put your confidence in yourself, or in other people, trust God, for it is better to trust in God rather than men.

May your weary heart be blessed,
That joy may come again,
And may Grace flows down from heaven,
That your soul be comforted.

May we continue the good works that we have started in His Name, and may He continue the wonderful work that He has started in us.

Blessed be God,
Who gives strength in needy times,
Who gives grace during trials,
Who loves us, the person that we are.

Monday, June 13, 2005


Was so blessed by the refilling of God's Spirit at church service yesterday. I can't say that I've found my lost passion in serving the CG, but still, it was good enough to move my time that has stopped since a week ago, since coming back to cyberjaya.

While I thought I have a lot of friends that can help me in my times of trouble in cyberjaya, it seems like I was wrong. When I came back last week, and was informed that I'm locked out of my condo for the next 5 hours, there's not many people in my phone address that I can call.

Apart from my housemates, my cg leader, my friend lau, there's no one else I can turn to. Even my dear godsister has graduated. This place no longer hold much meaning for me, only my oath as a student, my bond to the church, and my love for the Fellowship.

Would God save me when I fall,
Would His grace raise me tall,
Would He ever hear my call,
That comfort may come to my soul?

The 2 months holiday was not wasted. God taught me a lot of things, He delivered me from temptations, He spoke to me every now and then. I found out that even when I do seek God for my "big" problems, I never even cared to consult Him in things which I deemed petty, and small. Among them are the merging of my CG with another one, a suitable time to fly back to cyberjaya, just to name a few.

How can I be so blind,
Lifted up by my pride,
To burn my own soul,
That I find no rest?

But who knows, these are all His plan for a greater good? I still believe that if we seek His will, things will work for the good of those who love Him. While I admit my wrong, and wish not to err anymore, yet, I anxiously awaits the beauty of His work, turning my error into a blessing.

Let me worry not,
That judging eyes may judge,
That hearts may condemn,
That lips may insult,
For You are One,
Who holds yesterday, today, and tomorrow.

But I do welcome honest and polite comments, though. But it'd be nice if it's less critical and more building, as how it should be. :)

I thank You for Your blessings,
Wonderful, wonderful blessings,
That never seems to end,
Whenever You make me smile again.

And let His will be done in my life, and also in yours. ;)

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

spent, almost.

Nearly spent, my spiritual bottle that is. Maybe I'm not meant to stay away for so long from the circle of fellow christians for so long. Well, I believe hermits had it easier. They don't have to deal with people, at least. Anyway, it's really tiring keeping your faith in an unbelieving community, especially when those who claimed that they believe, don't really seems to listen to the Person they claim to believe.

Would we not keep ourselves from evil, at least for the sake of people who have yet to see? Most of the time people shy away from God not because of Who God is, but because of us who claimed that we are His disciples.

I seriously need at least someone who share my faith journeying along with me, especially to hard lands like this.
Sad am I if I fall and have none to lift me up.
Sad am I if I stray and no one to guide me.
Sad am I if I'm broken and no one to restore me.