Saturday, July 29, 2006

the end

Some people says that knowing the beginning is not important because to attempt to reach the end is of more significance.

But think, if you don't even know anything about the beginning, how would you know that there's an end?

For example, it is somehow true that when an arrow struck you near the heart, the question of where it comes from, what is it made of and other stuff is of no importance. But if you don't know what kind of arrow it is, or whether it is made of certain type of metal, or whether it is imbued with poison, your initial attempt to save yourself is nothing but worthless and vain.

But then again, that example's not good enough to convey what I'm trying to say. Perhaps an example with a snake would be better.

Bah, nevermind, I think you got my point.

Friday, July 28, 2006

an afternoon warmth

The cause of my heartache,
Almost everytime you come to my mind.

Being so far away,
Like the breeze of the afternoon wind,
That always just passes by.

The very reason to my sleepless nights.

But amidst all these that you've undeliberately caused to fall upon me, I'm glad I met you.
I really do.

Know that it is because of you that my smiles are more frequently seen.
Know that it is because of you that I wanted to know more people; in attempt to visit the world you're living in, in attempt to see what you're seeing through your pair of lovely eyes.
Know that it is because of you that I've finally come to accept my social responsibility, to start sharing the salt and the light I've been keeping selfishly.
And know that it is because of you that I can finally define what love really is.

And yes, it is true that God is the basic motivation and model in my strive to become a better person, but there are a lot of pieces of me that I've gathered from what you've been to me, from who you are to me.

And it is also because of you that my previous year was filled with much excitement, with many interesting events.
I thought it'd be dull when my sister left, but it was not so.

And it is also because of your support and your friendship that I was able to stay whole, that I was not swept away by the waves that fell in.

Your existence has become something that is truly precious to me, something that I truly cherish with every little bit of passion I have within me; being the very reason I'm reluctant to go to bed at night, being the very reason I look forward to daybright.

So, truly, thank you for being who you are, a woman who pours out her life to Jesus Christ, our Lord.
Thank you for living out your life with such passion, with such joy.
Your very life is an encouragement to me; it speaks with voices louder than words.

Continue to live your life, full and well. And continue faithfully in the Lord, for I can see that for all it's worth, He has adorned you with many fine things, both that can be seen and those that can only be felt, making you the beauty that you are.

And it is that very beauty that I've come to like, adore, and love.

Thursday, July 27, 2006

a still morning

I've been wishing for a rainy and cloudy day that I've forgotten how beautiful a cool and bright day could be.

Rays of light pierces through the windowpane, breeze of air flowing by, bringing my soul to a peaceful still.

It is simply a Godsent.


To the living, life can be complicated or simple or both.
To the dead, death is the same to all.

Being humans, most of the time, we complicated simple matters. It's true that some things can never be simple, but there are also things that shouldn't be complicated.

Why we do the things we do, to make things more difficult? Probably it's because of pride that we have? Or is it for romance? Or because we simply like it to be so?

Misunderstandings can be cleared with a simple heart-to-heart explanation.
Problems can be solved with a sincere sorry, and a forgiving heart.
Life can be continued with a mere confession of the heart.

There are things that we can afford to left floating and entangled, but there are also things we shouldn't.

Why should we let it be stagnant, growing bad and smelly till we have to walk away, till we have to run away?

Or perhaps we evaluate things too much, allowing more time to pass, increasing the variables in it like it's not already enough?

"Hear me out."
"I'm sorry."
"I love you."

But then again, even though I believe honesty is good, sometimes, silence works better.

Everytime I look up to a starry night sky, I began to think of how puny we humans are. How small is the troubles we go through day by day compared to the whole wide universe.

And probably only at the face of death that even the most arrogant person would throw away their pride for what really matters in their life.

Monday, July 10, 2006


Can someone tell me that it's not my fault that things go this way?

Can anyone tell me that it's not my fault it happened.

Can you tell me that it's not my fault that I feel this way.

But I do not seek comforting words, nor encouragement from a friend.
I just want someone to show me, to prove to me that it is indeed not my fault, I'm not to be held responsible for the mishap.

I just don't know what to do anymore, but to sit here, to lament in self-pity.

Sunday, July 09, 2006


Just a little bit courage is all I need to brave the innumerable possibilites, and that little bit of courage is what I don't have. Or have yet to have. Or will never have.

Or maybe courage is not something that is waited upon, or gained but rather a decision to do something even with fear clinging all over.

Or maybe I just don't want to risk it because it'll disturb my current tranquil, it'll upset the balance of my everyday life and be troublesome.

And sometimes, thoughts like that makes me wonder whether I am a person possessing a cold, solidified heart.

Or maybe it's just my inability to at least imagine what would most probably take place, what to do, what to expect.

Or maybe it's just my feeling of insecurity, having to open up and be known.

It's like being a book with an interesting cover and having a summary at the back that arouses curiosity, but as the pages are flipped it is realised that the book isn't so interesting after all.
Full of flaws,
Full of shortcomings,
Just another book that does not deserve to be on a shelf and having a worth that only amounts to being a fireplace fuel.

I'm not all pessimistic, I am only almost never optimistic when it comes to relationship with people.
To worry over every single words said,
To worry over every single gesture shown,
Continually wondering whether I've presented myself well before people.

Like some people commented, it's good to think things through, but when you over-do it, you end up stuck like me, and it doesn't feel good at all.
Sometimes it does, but most of the time it's no fun at all.

Monday, July 03, 2006

almost over you

I'm almost over you.

After all these while,
After all these time,

I think that somehow,
I'm able to place this picture of yours,
Out from the back of my mind,
To be on the table, with the rest of the pictures there is.

I've decided to stop wallowing in despair,
For such things is like an attempt to grasp the wind,
An attempt that is without end.

I've decided to not love to such extent,
And limit it to the border of friendship instead,
Because it is what it's made to be.

So, now, truly, I'm almost over you.