Sunday, April 27, 2008


People say that I think differently.

Do I?

Some prefer to be more tactful and used the word "special," but I prefer the word "weird." No offense taken. Weird is weird. Nothing is wrong about stating such a fact.

But for me, a question that is more important is, am I purposefully trying to be different?

It is evident in the games I play, that I would choose the kind of games where I can create a hero that is different from everybody else; I dislike the mediocrity.

And from such a habit/preference, it got me questioning my very nature, whether I'm actually not very different, only purposely making myself different.

But the catch is this, that when you create a game character that is different from everybody else, (which you of course, have to ensure is a good one, else you'd be tired of playing a character that's a failure) you would be looked upon with respect and admiration.

When it comes to real world, things are most probably different. Birds with same wings prefer to flock together, and this saying is quite the same with humans. No one (as many as I have known) prefer to be with someone so different, that the person seems so out of the world, that communication is hopeless. In this world, most of the time, being different means being ostracized. You get left out.

Or perhaps it is because of that, that I am purposefully different. (IF I'm actually purposefully different, no conclusion made yet)

Perhaps, I actually prefer to be ostracized.

Perhaps, I actually wanted to be left out.


Friday, April 25, 2008

first to leave

Perhaps it is because of the unwillingness to endure sadness from the departure of others, that I would prefer myself to be the one to leave first.

And honestly, such is really selfishness, and is the kind of selfishness that I can live with.

deity of Christ

To call a person who do not believe in the deity of Jesus Christ a Christian, is as absurd as calling the table a chair.
This is because the promoters, if we allow such an illustration, were people who believed that He is God's Son, that He is divine.

Those who would believe that Jesus Christ was a mere mortal would be better off coming up with a new term to describe themselves, like Jesusism or something, for it would be unfair to confuse an existing religion with a new one that is neither a sect, nor a heresy, but a totally brand new thing.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

love today

"Love today, not tomorrow."

Some of you might say, how about tomorrow? We should also need to love tomorrow!

Well, the thing is this, that if you can't even love properly today, why worry about tomorrow? Why talk about tomorrow? It's irrelevant!

If you are already loving today, to your fullest capacity, you wouldn't bother to ask me the question that you just asked.

So, go. Love today. Tomorrow you can live the same phrase again. :P

Sunday, April 20, 2008

already there

When I'm too tolerant, You push me to move,
When I'm too indignant, You allow me to go through broken moments.

Can it be any other way, that I'd always be stable,
That I'd always be at the level I'm supposed to be,
Always perfect?

But if I'm already there, I guess You wouldn't be doing what You're doing to me, and in me.


Saturday, April 19, 2008

right or wrong

Sometimes, we harp about love so much that, it is as if it doesn't matter if something is right or wrong. (as opposed to if "someone" is right or wrong) I suspect that I am guilty of this a lot too, though I cannot recall them now.

We talk about how we should mimic God's love, as if God never cared about right or wrong.

Well, it is true that we should show as much love as God has given us, for it is the hallmark of Christianity. But to say that God never cared about right or wrong, is not entirely true.

Sure, reconciliation is of utmost importance, but that does not mean that it can only be achieved through uniformity, or even agreements. Uniformity might make it easier to be united, but being united doesn't mean that we have to conform to a single thing, in all things.

To say that God unconditionally accepted everyone without a cost is a lie, because He did that at the price of His Son.

Friday, April 18, 2008


I once read a story about a guy asking his friend, of why Christians are struggling so much in their lives, while he, a non-Christian, is not.

Not knowing what to answer, the friend kept quiet.

It came to a time that they went hunting together. Downed two fowls, if I'm not mistaken.

And the friend told the guy to look at the two fowls, and said, "Look at them. One is struggling, and one is not. That one is struggling, because it is still alive. The other is not, because it is dead."

Often we feel like we're struggling so much, even when we're Christian. Isn't this religion supposed to be a cure-it-all magic pill that we take, a religion that's promises victory in every part of life?

And I dare not say that it cannot, because that is also some of the promises given to us. But I think that even so, Christians are those who echoes the words of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, when they said, "...If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and He will rescue us from your hand, O king. But even if He does not, we want you to know O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up."

And sometimes, when I feel so comfortable, that things seems to fall into their own place, and my life seems very victorious, I would start to feel wary. Not to say that these are not from God, but to know that I have a faithful spiritual adversary, that works day and night without fail to plan my fall, things are too good to be true.

Of course, being too obsessed with this would also naturally lead to a downfall, for we are being kept from doing what we're supposed to do simply because of too much doubt; perhaps such extreme wariness can even be translated to the doubt that God is for us.

I shall try to always remember that while I'm born here, I am not of here. My citizenship is of another Country, and I'm here, a foreigner. And a good foreigner I'll try to be, that I should not return my hosts with poison for my stay, even if they are not pleasant hosts.

Through the journey taken in this land far away from home, that I learn more of my Lord, as I walk to where He wants me to, as I do the things He commands.

I know how sometimes we yearn so much for Home, because things are so hard here, but I think being here, no matter how bad or how good it is, is essential. It is no There, but here that our love for God is tested, for us to know how much we actually love Him, how much we really want to be with Him despite our shortcomings. And when I say tested, it's not so much of "God wants to know," but rather "so we know it for ourselves."

Dear Lord, it's been said that You're not just after our heart, but all of us,
But there's a lot of things that is hard for us to give up, even to You,
We have our ambitions,
Our plans for the future,
That girl, the one that could be the perfect wife,
Or that guy, who could be the best of husbands.

The sins we indulge in,
They seem bigger than Your Love.
They really do!

And at times,
Even after accepting the perfect Love given,
Life feels empty,
Seems like there's no reason to even continue breathing.

Is that because we're such a pampered lot,
Or it's just phases that we have to go through?

And You know,
The intelligent arguments that we hear,
And the wonderful texts of so-called enlightened people,
Often so easily dissuade us from You,
They can so easily make us forget all that we've experienced with You,
Is such our love for You,
That rhetorics and sweet words are more real than the spiritual sight and intellectual experiences we had with You?

Where are our brothers and sisters that You've given us,
To nurse us our hurts?
And where were we,
When they needed us?

But if real life is what we'll have,
By giving all that we are to You,
Not just our heart,
But also our ambitions,
Our plans,
Our indulgences,
Our loved ones,
Help us do so.

If losing our life for Your sake is what it takes to have a real one,
Help us do so.

If emptying our bottle is what You demand before You can starts pouring in,
Help us do so.

And we ask that in our struggles, make Yourself truer to us everyday, every moment.

But even if You don't, give us the faith to echoes the words of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, that we'd be able to say that, "...If we are thrown into the hardship of life, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and He will rescue us from all there is. But even if He does not, know this, that we will not renounce His name, nor forsake the Truth that we have come to know, Who, much more than we love Him, loved us even to death."

Thursday, April 10, 2008


For all the times I've forgotten of how good You've been to me,
For all the times when I traded You for a pile of rubbish,
I'm sorry,
I'm sorry,
I'm sorry...........

How can I be so stupid, again, and again, and again, and again...?

I'm breaking my own heart by breaking Yours... So many times...