dear Lord,

It's weird. Yes, it's weird.

It seems like the more I get to know You, the existence of my conflicting nature becomes more evident.

I feel two different personality, residing in one body, surfacing at the same time, in constant battle with one another.

So, is the good one the 'spirit man', and the evil one the 'old man'?

Or is it just because my heart is naturally evil, to the very core?

Why is it that sometimes, when I truly wish someone to be well off, that there's this voice, that's wishing otherwise?

Can I claim that it's not me, when it feels so clearly that, it's a part of me that's speaking of curses and evil?

Even in prayer, even when others are praying, the 'person' hurls blasphemies and insults.

Deep inside, I would rather die than saying those things, and it hurts me when those voices that are from my within spew such words.

Am I to admit that 'he' is me?

To know that I am evil beyond all things? I am more wretched that most people?

But I know one good thing that comes from this; To reach to the Father residing on the throne of heavens, my filthy self could never bring itself to His presence. I can only come before Him, in a heavenly robe stained with the blood of His Son, the Son who was crucified for my sins.

It pains me to know that no matter what I do, my apparel and attire will never be clean enough to come before my God, if I were to evaluate with all sincerity.

No matter how I wash it, it reeks of innocent blood that I've spilled. Of filthiness, that can never be washed away. Of evil, that can never be rid of.

So Lord, thank You for Your heavenly robe, stained with the Holy blood of Your Son, that You traded with me. Thank You for taking my unclean robe, and gave me Yours instead. Thank You, for enabling me to come before You again, with confidence, not in my own goodness, but Your merciful and graceful Self.

So let Your grace be poured unto me, more and more, that my 'old man' can be suppressed, and my 'spirit man' surfacing with great authority.

I'm sorry for my evil heart, I'm sorry that I'm who I am, but I'm glad for who You are.

I thank You, for the Hope that has been given unto us.

Let me not be arrogant in my so-called 'wisdom', but grant me a child-like faith, that You can truly work in me; To be less 'realistic', but to be more 'faith-full' instead.

I thank You for Your Love, Your infinite and endless Love.

Amen.