Wednesday, June 28, 2006



What goes on your mind whenever the word is mentioned?
What do you think heaven really is?

A place where good people go?
A place where people who've done many good things settle in and enjoy for the rest of eternity?

That's the common understanding of heaven among the people, but I never quite figure out the reason why they'd think that way.

Has anyone ever went to heaven and came back to say what heaven really is?
Even if there is, how can they know the reason to the existence of that place?

If not, why would they have a concept that people who do good things or people who are good gets rewarded by being able to live off their eternity in a place that's without suffering, a place of eternal goodness?
And why would they even think that there's something more after death?

But by looking into the Bible, it seems to be implied that heaven is a place where people who wants to be with God for the rest of eternity settles. It's a *place* where people who adore God be able to have fellowship and communion with Him.

When christian says only those who believe in God will go to heaven, they're not implying that the rest of the people are bad people, that they don't deserve to enjoy "goodness" after death.
If heaven is a place where God has made for people who wants to be with Him to be in, why should anyone who scorns at the thought of being with God be placed together with God? It goes against his wish to be treated so right?

I believe it is important for christian to really believe that at the end of their days, they're really going to be in heaven, to be with God for the rest of eternity.

If you're a christian and does not have such assurance, is it because you lack the understanding of the basis to your salvation?
If you think you're undeserving, that you're not good enough, it's not an issue at all. There is no one that's good enough to be with God no matter how many "good" things we try to do. Our merits, they're like dirty rags in His sight, we always do fall short.

But we do not attain the right to be with Him by our own righteousness, by being good enough, but instead, we are made able to be with Him because of His righteousness, because He's good enough.

To believe that we're forgiven of our sinful nature and sinful doings, the moment we accept the fact that He came and died for our sins instead;
To come before Him and say that you truly wanted to remain close to Him, to be with Him for the rest of your life, and beyond.
To know that all the good things that we're doing is just because it delights the heart of our God, and not as a ticket to the eternal "goodness".

Yeah, truly, we yearn to be with Him soon in a tireless body that has an unending passion and love.
But it's not so bad to just stick around on the ground a little bit more, to take pleasure in a deteriorating body that goes weary once in a while; to take pleasure in humanly friendship and fellowship; to be happy with humanly love and company; to be in wonder and awe at His undying faithfulness and "last minute life-saving blessings". :)

So, till we've fulfilled what we're purposed to do, we will not by any means fall away, but to continue our days. But whether it's here or *there*, it doesn't matter that much, because our God is closer to our heart and soul than we think He is. He's always, always a prayer away.

So, heaven?
It can be pretty much where we're standing right now.
It can be pretty much the life we're having right now.
It is just the distance between us and the God we so adore.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006


Trust. It's something that comes together with our personal expectation.

At the very time we choose to trust, we're supposed to embrace the fact that there is a possibility to disappointment, and sometimes more than once.

So, what do we do when we're faced with such thing?

A dear friend choose to continue trusting.

Well, for me, I choose to walk away most of the time. Why? Is it because I do not understand the consequences in placing a trust in someone who's neither myself nor God?
Rather, it's because when I trust, I place high expectation on the person.

I know I shouldn't, but whenever I categorize a person as my good friend, I can't help it but have high expectation of the person, but at the same time, I am ignorant of other people's expectation of me.

I believe I can live alone, and just socialize once in a while, develop light friendship with people, and nothing deeper. I've years of experience of going solo anyway.

Yes, I'm emo, but as one introverted comrade-in-arms once said, we're emo, but we're not suicidal. So, I'm not fine, but I'm ok. No need for worries, k? ;)

Tuesday, June 20, 2006


Ever wonder why is it that only recently I seemed to be around while all this while I'm here?

I've been hiding myself. In the shadows.

I do not hate large groupings of people, nor do I actually wanted to avoid them.
I don't join crowds not because I'm anti-social, but rather to prevent being labeled an anti-social.

I like being with people.
To see what they do, to listen to what they say, to observe every action and gesture;
To see infectious smile being transferred from faces to faces;
To see frowns and disagreements in little discussions;
To see exaggeration shown by every expression of the face and wave of the hands.

Even if I'm not interested to listen I can just be lost in my thoughts, but pity, that in this reality, this ideal of mine cannot exist.

Instead of explaining repeatedly my preference of communication and the limitations conceived by my personality, I rather just keep away.

I might just as well slip into the shadows again like how I've always been before, instead of having to face constant discomfort.

But still, the final say belongs to my God, as always. If this discomfort is meant for my good, I shall endure. Who am I to argue when this heavenly Father REALLY knows what's best for me.

For the moment, I'll just try to not be too noticeable. :)

Friday, June 09, 2006



What should be done when a single parent falls in love with another single parent, and it so happens what their kids fell in love with each other?

Sould the love of the parents be sacrificed for the sake of their children's, or the other way around?surely, the kids can never be in love together if their parents are married to one another eh?

You think?

Friday, June 02, 2006


How much do we actually value the people we claimed to be our loved ones?

Many times I think, and say that I love them much more than anything, but when the time comes to prove how much they're actually worth to me, I fail in my actions and my deeds.

How regrettably hypocritical.

It's not about the time spent with them when we're free, it's how much time we can spare for them when we're occupied;
It's not about being patient with them when everything's well, it's about being patient with them when everything's chaotic and unwell;
It's not about how deep our feelings are for them while it is, it's about how we stay true to the decision to love them even when we don't remember why anymore.

It's about soaring above trials and temptations, keeping our oath close not letting go, even when all our sense of reasoning is temporarily no more.

It's about still being polite and gentle when circumstances forces you to scream and shout at the top of your lungs, lashing out at them.

It's about saying no when situation's forcing you to say yes, and saying yes when it's forcing you to say no.

It's about remembering how much our God is worth, even when we can hardly do.

Run if you must, hide if you should.

Many times I should've fallen unto my knees and pray, but I seldom do.
Many times I should've just sleep and wake up afresh, but I did not.
Many times I should've run, but I stayed in it's deadly stench.

Why do I run whenever I'm required to stay; Why do I stay when I should just run away and not looking back?

I'm sick of this, I'm sick of this loop.

I wanna break out of it, if God wills.
If He wills I be strong and enduring.
If He wills me to be free... Heck, I'm sure He does.

Most of the time, we are provided the strength and will to do so. We simply chose not to. Sometimes, options are non-existant. But most of the time, it's really just a matter of choice. Still, it doesn't mean it's all easy decisions.

May I be able to stay true to my words, to show the people that I love that they're really worth as much as I say they are.
To prove to my God that I really do, everytime I say I wanna love Him like how He has loved me.

I'm sorry Lord that You have to die for my sins just because I am not even worthy to redeem myself, but thank You, thank You.
For still loving us when many times we fall;
For giving us the will and strength to change;
For loving us more than we can ever love ourselves;
For making our little lives worth much,
as much as Your dripping blood,
as much as Your battered body.

We're finally worth something, because You're alive.