letting go

The past few days have been tough on me. Forced me to rethink my life and relationships with people. As long as these things are not solved, I can hardly ever pray. I can’t face Him when there’s something I’ve not settled over here.

As a so called CGL, my approach was to be a friend. A friend who’s serious in developing close friendship. Yea, not to everyone, but I try to.

I found out that when things happened the wrong way, I’m trapped between duty and life. Yea people always say that you need to avoid having your personal life issues interfere with your duty. That’s ridiculous. We’re the life we live. We have duties because of the life we live. To separate life from duty is absurd.

But although that saying is absurd, things will most probably be easier that way. Because they’re unconnected. So they won’t affect one another. And that is probably what I’ll do. To run into my shell and work from there. I need not go out anymore. Nope, actually I don’t wanna go out anymore.

And I need to remind myself that things that matters to me, doesn’t necessary matter to other people. And things that don’t matter to me, doesn’t necessary be so with other people. I need to be both flexible and sensitive at the same time, and that must be done within the shell.

Things that I’d go an extra mile for doesn’t necessarily matter to other people. Issues I view as serious and should be talked over, others may think that it’s just some petty concern. Things that break my heart and steal my sleep may be trivial to others.

I need to let go. Pursuing it may free me, but may cause hurt to others. And it doesn’t really matter if I’m sick to the heart, as long as the heart of the ones I care about stays intact. I don’t wanna break any heart, cause anymore problem. It’d be fitting if I take my distance, and stop stepping on people’s feet.

So, Lord, I’m letting go. I would not pursue it any further. So help me forget. I don’t wanna think about it anymore. I don’t want to dwell upon it anymore, I don’t wanna live my life like this anymore.

We’re incompatible, and we prolly will never go well together. As long as the safe distance is not crossed, me and you is safe from harm. From whatever harm there is, things that happen in close proximity.

Take care, and God bless you all, my friends.