exceeding joy

Exceeding joy. It's been so long since I feel like everything's been going the correct and wrong way at the same time. Sorrow and joy interchanging at high speed. Sadness and happiness switches ever so rapidly.

Been feeling fear of a lot of things. People, close friends, responsibilites, especially of my own CG. Yea, I'm scared. I don't know why. Been feeling inferior. Don't blend well with people. Don't act like self in crowds. Been very careless with a lot of things. Been thinking that I wouldn't do well with people and stuff.

But somehow, something was revealed to me. To know that everytime I'm not doing something when I'm supposed to, I'm limiting God, saying that He's incapable.

Everytime I'm not giving my best, or just go in boldness and courage, I'm telling people that my God is weak, my God is small.

The thought of insulting my own Jesus stunned me. I've never thought my self-pity and pessimism is equivalent to so.

But somehow, whenever I'm with people, I can't help feeling out of place and weak and inferior. Oh how I miss the days when I was so optimistic.

But how blessed I am today, when my computer which kept restarting was somehow ok again.

Once again, I removed the fan and the heatsink, only to discover the CPU attached to the heatsink. And the pins have somehow bent, and there's this part where the pin seems to have come off. I'm not sure whether it's not there in the first place, or was lost due to my recklessness.

I put it back again, and tried few times to turn the PC on, but to no avail. And somehow, just now, it worked again. Yes, there is a thought that it was a random electronics failure, and from experience I know how unreliable these things are, when they can go haywire without warning, even when it's left untouched.

But I'm just happy. Was deciding to go and buy a new chipset, but now it's ok.

To know I'm not capable to fix things, but can only rely on luck, and experience.

But to know that God is in every single thing in my life, be it my computer, my studies, my family, my problems, my sleep, and my all, that itself is a blessing.

So, what if I AM weak. So what if there's a lot of stuff I can't do. I'm happy with life, and I'm so looking forward to so many wonderful things God has to offer.

To be optimistic is the flower of life, but to be optimistic because of the hope in God is the essence of it.

I wish you a blessed day. :)