Just when I've stopped doubting about my spirituality, that is to stop relying on my feelings to determine my relationship with God but instead to rely on what He says it is, my brain goes on to doubt whether I'm truly a Christian.
It goes on to the question of "if you're truly a Christian, why do you find the idea of worshiping the human Jesus so hard to swallow, or why is it that you wanted to do God's work, but resist every thought of really doing it?"
"Are you sure you've actually decided to follow Christ?"
Heh. I can't say I like this kind of moment, but I'm glad that in Christianity, I am allowed to be honest. I am allowed to doubt. I am allowed to allow God to work in me.
Of course the honest and doubting part mostly do not apply to other humans. I hope it would not be stumbling block. But one cannot deny that if God knows what you're thinking, there's little use to being dishonest and pretend you're not doubting, when you are.
I guess it's so much better to tell him about it outrightly, and see what He has to say or would do.
Back to the issue, is there a step-by-step guide, or a criteria that makes a person Christian? Or perhaps such thing exists only for us to judge whether another person's a Christian.
So Lord, what say You?
Saturday, October 13, 2007
Saturday, October 06, 2007
just so you know
Often, I do not love you THAT much to tell you of your weaknesses.
I am not prepared to put myself in a position where you will think I'm trying to mold you into me, or trying to push my values on you.
About people who actually do, I think it is worth noting that they are either legalistic (a.k.a. insecure about themselves) or they really do love you.
So, think before you follow your feelings and decided to shun them or criticize them or write about them on your blog.
Especially if they're your pastors! It's already bad enough that they have to confine themselves to 'churching' ministry, they have to serve you! Not enough with that, they have to find themselves being mentioned in your blog, badmouthed, adjoined by hundreds of your faithful readers!
Remember, we do not actually have much control over that entity called feelings, but we can still control how we are to act upon it. We can still, to a certain extent, control our thoughts.
*This post is not specifically to any particular person, but the general masses. I do not only read your blog, but many more online blogs and articles.*
I am not prepared to put myself in a position where you will think I'm trying to mold you into me, or trying to push my values on you.
About people who actually do, I think it is worth noting that they are either legalistic (a.k.a. insecure about themselves) or they really do love you.
So, think before you follow your feelings and decided to shun them or criticize them or write about them on your blog.
Especially if they're your pastors! It's already bad enough that they have to confine themselves to 'churching' ministry, they have to serve you! Not enough with that, they have to find themselves being mentioned in your blog, badmouthed, adjoined by hundreds of your faithful readers!
Remember, we do not actually have much control over that entity called feelings, but we can still control how we are to act upon it. We can still, to a certain extent, control our thoughts.
*This post is not specifically to any particular person, but the general masses. I do not only read your blog, but many more online blogs and articles.*
Friday, October 05, 2007
my Saviour my God
If You are truly beyond time, You should already know how things will turn out even before they did.
If so, I really do not understand the way you think.
If so, You should have already that I am a person who would occasionally bring shame to Your name.
I'm the person that would fall once in a while, making wrong decisions willfully, consciously. Even when I do know what is right and what is wrong.
Am I just another Egypt, someone You would use to bless Your children, the "sinner God used for His purpose?"
You already know that there are times when it'll be like now, where if my deeds are uncovered, they would bring shame to Your name.
But You still call me to Your embrace, You still wanted me.
You said that You've cleansed me of my sins, and I am right with you.
There are times that I would prefer if I were to suffer for a bit, so that I would feel "worthy" to return to You, having received my deserved punishment.
But at the same time, I'm scared of it. I do not want it. I do not want to be punished, I shun it.
Can I hit my body, can I bruise my hands, that I can declare that I've suffered for a bit, I've got what I deserved, so now I can feel better coming back to You?
But You said no.
My body is Yours, I do not have any right to inflict injuries upon it.
Only to do Your will.
Do You know that it hurts my pride to receive Your grace and to come to You, pretending that everything is like before, like I've never sinned before?
Do You know how hypocritical I feel whenever I lift my hands to praise You, whenever my lips declare of Your greatness?
Do You know how hypocritical I feel whenever I said that I'm giving up my entire self to do Your will, that I would forsake all to rid myself of this thing that haunts me?
I do not even wanted to be at the sanctuary to be prayed for.
I do not even want to be in a shameful situation.
I do not even want to do Your will.
Do You know how people would look at me if they were to know my hidden deeds?
I do not care about losing reputation, friends, but how would they see You?
They'll say, "what a fake Christian he is, doing what he preached against."
I do not mind such things, but Your name is in front of mine.
Why should You be insulted for my wrongdoings?
Why should You be insulted for my sins?
Yeah, why do You even bother in the first place?
I am but a passing wind.
I am but a momentary sigh.
I am but a dying leaf.
I can blame satan for all the wrong things I've done, but it is still me who decided on my deeds.
As much as I wanted to run away, that I would prevent myself from trampling unto Your body;
that I would prevent myself from nailing You to the cross again and again and again and again;
that I would prevent myself from coming back to You in shame receiving forgiveness,
You called me back.
Again and again and again and again.
Why do You do that???
Yet, where can I run to?
You are the reason that I'm alive, You are the Truth for everything there is.
Sure, I can lie to myself and pretend as if there's something else to live for, but deep down, I know there isn't.
The only thing to live for, is You.
So, no matter how many times, I'll crawl back to You.
I'll sing praises to You, no matter how hypocritical my person feels.
I'll sing psalms to You, no matter how angry my body feels towards You.
I'll sing songs to You, no matter how shameful I feel.
Thank You for Your forgiveness,
Even when this person is not worthy of it,
Thank You for Your love,
Even when this person is never worthy of it.
Thank You for holding unto me, when everyone else would've given up.
Thank You.
If so, I really do not understand the way you think.
If so, You should have already that I am a person who would occasionally bring shame to Your name.
I'm the person that would fall once in a while, making wrong decisions willfully, consciously. Even when I do know what is right and what is wrong.
Am I just another Egypt, someone You would use to bless Your children, the "sinner God used for His purpose?"
You already know that there are times when it'll be like now, where if my deeds are uncovered, they would bring shame to Your name.
But You still call me to Your embrace, You still wanted me.
You said that You've cleansed me of my sins, and I am right with you.
There are times that I would prefer if I were to suffer for a bit, so that I would feel "worthy" to return to You, having received my deserved punishment.
But at the same time, I'm scared of it. I do not want it. I do not want to be punished, I shun it.
Can I hit my body, can I bruise my hands, that I can declare that I've suffered for a bit, I've got what I deserved, so now I can feel better coming back to You?
But You said no.
My body is Yours, I do not have any right to inflict injuries upon it.
Only to do Your will.
Do You know that it hurts my pride to receive Your grace and to come to You, pretending that everything is like before, like I've never sinned before?
Do You know how hypocritical I feel whenever I lift my hands to praise You, whenever my lips declare of Your greatness?
Do You know how hypocritical I feel whenever I said that I'm giving up my entire self to do Your will, that I would forsake all to rid myself of this thing that haunts me?
I do not even wanted to be at the sanctuary to be prayed for.
I do not even want to be in a shameful situation.
I do not even want to do Your will.
Do You know how people would look at me if they were to know my hidden deeds?
I do not care about losing reputation, friends, but how would they see You?
They'll say, "what a fake Christian he is, doing what he preached against."
I do not mind such things, but Your name is in front of mine.
Why should You be insulted for my wrongdoings?
Why should You be insulted for my sins?
Yeah, why do You even bother in the first place?
I am but a passing wind.
I am but a momentary sigh.
I am but a dying leaf.
I can blame satan for all the wrong things I've done, but it is still me who decided on my deeds.
As much as I wanted to run away, that I would prevent myself from trampling unto Your body;
that I would prevent myself from nailing You to the cross again and again and again and again;
that I would prevent myself from coming back to You in shame receiving forgiveness,
You called me back.
Again and again and again and again.
Why do You do that???
Yet, where can I run to?
You are the reason that I'm alive, You are the Truth for everything there is.
Sure, I can lie to myself and pretend as if there's something else to live for, but deep down, I know there isn't.
The only thing to live for, is You.
So, no matter how many times, I'll crawl back to You.
I'll sing praises to You, no matter how hypocritical my person feels.
I'll sing psalms to You, no matter how angry my body feels towards You.
I'll sing songs to You, no matter how shameful I feel.
Thank You for Your forgiveness,
Even when this person is not worthy of it,
Thank You for Your love,
Even when this person is never worthy of it.
Thank You for holding unto me, when everyone else would've given up.
Thank You.
Saturday, September 22, 2007
walking contradiction
Opponents of the Bible have been going around claiming that the Bible cannot be the Word of God, because it's full of contradictions.
They arrogantly used their finite humanly reasoning power to prove whether a certain thing exists. And if their finite humanly reasoning power cannot reason it out, then it would be impossible for it to be true or correct. They think the existence of a certain matter would be determined by the level of power their brains can work.
Well, that is not exactly what I have in thoughts. They can still exist even if I can't reason them out.
I'm here to think about the contradictory nature of the human way of thinking.
Often, we think that if there's a contradiction, only one side is true; the other is not.
Quite logical actually.
But consider these that I would write:
We want people to accept us for who we are.
We want people to be honest with us, no matter what.
When people start being honest, often, we think that they're criticizing us, pointing out our weaknesses, and we lament, "why can't you just accept me for who I am?"
I mean, what the heck???
We want people to be able to trust us with critical circumstances.
But when they do, we feel used, because we feel that they only come to us when they need us.
I mean, what the heck???
We felt that we've talked too much, and decided to get the other person to talk.
When the other person is already comfortably starting to talk, we act all uninterested, and even changes the topic.
I mean, what the heck???
We wanted a silent person to talk, to join in the conversation, even to the point of pushing.
But when they do, we think that the things they say are stupid, we think that they should shut up instead.
I mean, what the heck???
We wanted people to express themselves freely, to be honest.
But when they try to explain their thoughts or position or opinion, we call them defensive.
I mean, what the heck???
We wanted people to share of the good things that has happened to them.
When they do, we think, "That's so plain. They should just keep it to themselves, bimbos."
I mean, what the heck???
We wanted people to be open and be free to tell others what they wanted to be prayed for.
But when they do, we go, "That's such a trivial thing, you might as well pray it yourself. Don't you have bigger, and more important things to ask for prayer?"
I mean, what the heck???
OK, most of them is prolly just me. Now you know how rotten is this heart of mine. And yes, you're angelic. Good for you.
Often, people do not know what they want. They think they want, and when they got it, they realise that they don't. They think they don't, and when they don't have it anymore, they want.
What I am proposing, is that the next time we feel hurt, the next time we feel sore, can we look at the whole picture and evaluate the relevance of our feelings?
No, I am not asking you to abandon your emotions, but I think we've indulged in it too much already. It's enough. It's time to strike a balance.
There is a time to feel hurt, and there is also a time to know that your feelings contradicts itself and should be ignored.
I am learning too, so if you actually agreed with what I wrote, why not embark on this trip together?
Lets?
And may the Holy Spirit help us in discerning what is valid, and what is not.
God bless.
They arrogantly used their finite humanly reasoning power to prove whether a certain thing exists. And if their finite humanly reasoning power cannot reason it out, then it would be impossible for it to be true or correct. They think the existence of a certain matter would be determined by the level of power their brains can work.
Well, that is not exactly what I have in thoughts. They can still exist even if I can't reason them out.
I'm here to think about the contradictory nature of the human way of thinking.
Often, we think that if there's a contradiction, only one side is true; the other is not.
Quite logical actually.
But consider these that I would write:
We want people to accept us for who we are.
We want people to be honest with us, no matter what.
When people start being honest, often, we think that they're criticizing us, pointing out our weaknesses, and we lament, "why can't you just accept me for who I am?"
I mean, what the heck???
We want people to be able to trust us with critical circumstances.
But when they do, we feel used, because we feel that they only come to us when they need us.
I mean, what the heck???
We felt that we've talked too much, and decided to get the other person to talk.
When the other person is already comfortably starting to talk, we act all uninterested, and even changes the topic.
I mean, what the heck???
We wanted a silent person to talk, to join in the conversation, even to the point of pushing.
But when they do, we think that the things they say are stupid, we think that they should shut up instead.
I mean, what the heck???
We wanted people to express themselves freely, to be honest.
But when they try to explain their thoughts or position or opinion, we call them defensive.
I mean, what the heck???
We wanted people to share of the good things that has happened to them.
When they do, we think, "That's so plain. They should just keep it to themselves, bimbos."
I mean, what the heck???
We wanted people to be open and be free to tell others what they wanted to be prayed for.
But when they do, we go, "That's such a trivial thing, you might as well pray it yourself. Don't you have bigger, and more important things to ask for prayer?"
I mean, what the heck???
OK, most of them is prolly just me. Now you know how rotten is this heart of mine. And yes, you're angelic. Good for you.
Often, people do not know what they want. They think they want, and when they got it, they realise that they don't. They think they don't, and when they don't have it anymore, they want.
What I am proposing, is that the next time we feel hurt, the next time we feel sore, can we look at the whole picture and evaluate the relevance of our feelings?
No, I am not asking you to abandon your emotions, but I think we've indulged in it too much already. It's enough. It's time to strike a balance.
There is a time to feel hurt, and there is also a time to know that your feelings contradicts itself and should be ignored.
I am learning too, so if you actually agreed with what I wrote, why not embark on this trip together?
Lets?
And may the Holy Spirit help us in discerning what is valid, and what is not.
God bless.
Saturday, September 15, 2007
forgiveness
I've just watched a video about Christian persecution, where they are ordered to spit on the Bible.
Why is the Bible so precious? It is because it contains some words that comes directly down from the Divine?
If you believe so, you are most probably mistaken.
If you believe so, you most probably do not understand what it really meant when it is said that the Bible was *inspired* by God.
I ask you to consider the Bible precious, because it is from the Bible that we come to know the person Jesus.
It is from the Bible that we come to know that we have a God who so loved us that He came down as a man, and died for our sins.
It is from the Bible that we come to know that we have a God who do not just leaves us on our own, but wants us to be near Him.
It is from the Bible that we come to know that we have a purposeful God, that we have a reason for this life that we have.
And what is there in written words, that if we throw them away, or spit on it, it disproves our faith in God?
I suspect that the sacrilegious act is not on you doing it, but because that is the way your enemies affirm your denial of your God.
It is not so much of your action of tearing it apart, or throwing it away, burning it, or spitting on it, but because your enemies wanted you to do it in order to deny your faith.
You have denied your God, not in doing it, but in showing it.
But as Jesus had taken away all the sins of those who come to Him, I still believe that there can be reconciliation.
We humans, on the other hand would not be so forgiving, though it is almost none of our business; it is a matter between the person and Him.
Are we worthy to judge the person who denied God, while we often live in ways that deny Him?
God did not forgive for forgiving sake, but so that we can be reconciled to Him.
Our sins He remembers no more. REMEMBERS NO MORE!
Peter denied God three times, while Judas only once.
The former found courage to ask for forgiveness, while the latter punished himself.
What use is forgiveness if there is no reconciliation?
What use is forgiveness if the offense is still remembered?
It is for your own sake that you're commanded to forgive, that you do not hinder yourself from the abundant life you're entitled to by carrying such a burden.
Why is the Bible so precious? It is because it contains some words that comes directly down from the Divine?
If you believe so, you are most probably mistaken.
If you believe so, you most probably do not understand what it really meant when it is said that the Bible was *inspired* by God.
I ask you to consider the Bible precious, because it is from the Bible that we come to know the person Jesus.
It is from the Bible that we come to know that we have a God who so loved us that He came down as a man, and died for our sins.
It is from the Bible that we come to know that we have a God who do not just leaves us on our own, but wants us to be near Him.
It is from the Bible that we come to know that we have a purposeful God, that we have a reason for this life that we have.
And what is there in written words, that if we throw them away, or spit on it, it disproves our faith in God?
I suspect that the sacrilegious act is not on you doing it, but because that is the way your enemies affirm your denial of your God.
It is not so much of your action of tearing it apart, or throwing it away, burning it, or spitting on it, but because your enemies wanted you to do it in order to deny your faith.
You have denied your God, not in doing it, but in showing it.
But as Jesus had taken away all the sins of those who come to Him, I still believe that there can be reconciliation.
We humans, on the other hand would not be so forgiving, though it is almost none of our business; it is a matter between the person and Him.
Are we worthy to judge the person who denied God, while we often live in ways that deny Him?
God did not forgive for forgiving sake, but so that we can be reconciled to Him.
Our sins He remembers no more. REMEMBERS NO MORE!
Peter denied God three times, while Judas only once.
The former found courage to ask for forgiveness, while the latter punished himself.
What use is forgiveness if there is no reconciliation?
What use is forgiveness if the offense is still remembered?
It is for your own sake that you're commanded to forgive, that you do not hinder yourself from the abundant life you're entitled to by carrying such a burden.
Friday, September 14, 2007
heartful praises
How bold we are to take up the pen with our pair of filthy hands, writing love poems and letters to Him.
The love that flows out from our filthy heart is not even worth giving.
How bold we are to lift our voices with our dirty lips, singing love songs and praises to Him.
The voice that flows out from our mouth is not even worth listening to.
I suspect that the angels can write much better poems to Him.
I suspect that the angels can sing much sweeter than the best singer we have.
But it is our poems and letters He wanted to read, no matter how badly it is written, no matter how insincere and hypocritical we feel writing it.
And it is also our voices that He wanted to hear, no matter how croaked it is, no matter how bad we are at singing.
Write now to your heart's content, for you have no reason to anymore when you're in heaven.
Sing now to Him to your heart's content, for your voices would not be heard being in the midst of an ever-singing multitude in heaven.
O praise Him, my heart, and bless the Lord my Beloved!
The love that flows out from our filthy heart is not even worth giving.
How bold we are to lift our voices with our dirty lips, singing love songs and praises to Him.
The voice that flows out from our mouth is not even worth listening to.
I suspect that the angels can write much better poems to Him.
I suspect that the angels can sing much sweeter than the best singer we have.
But it is our poems and letters He wanted to read, no matter how badly it is written, no matter how insincere and hypocritical we feel writing it.
And it is also our voices that He wanted to hear, no matter how croaked it is, no matter how bad we are at singing.
Write now to your heart's content, for you have no reason to anymore when you're in heaven.
Sing now to Him to your heart's content, for your voices would not be heard being in the midst of an ever-singing multitude in heaven.
O praise Him, my heart, and bless the Lord my Beloved!
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
praise lover
Is it our nature to love praises, or are we just looking for someone to praise.
And often, that someone just happens to be ourselves?
And often, that someone just happens to be ourselves?
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
untitled
The more "advanced" I get, the more I see that it is when I was the simplest, that my understanding was the most correct, accurate and wisest.
Saturday, August 25, 2007
Source
Many problems are solved not by looking for the source, but by looking at the Source.
If your faith is indeed faith, act it out.
Respond in trusting God despite circumstances;
Respond in trusting God despite opposition;
Respond in trusting God despite your shortsightedness.
I know it sounds like an attempt to be spiritual. You may agree with it, but you don't actually believe.
So, this is my challenge:
If your faith is indeed faith, act it out.
Respond in trusting God despite circumstances;
Respond in trusting God despite opposition;
Respond in trusting God despite your shortsightedness.
I know it sounds like an attempt to be spiritual. You may agree with it, but you don't actually believe.
So, this is my challenge:
FREAKING TRY IT.
'Oh, taste and see that God is good, blessed is the man who trusts in Him! - Psalm 34:8'
'Oh, taste and see that God is good, blessed is the man who trusts in Him! - Psalm 34:8'
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Miracles
How often do we give thanks for all the "little little miracles" that He allowed to happen?
An exam passed, prolly with good results?
A project done, despite really bad circumstances?
A really good journey out, or just hanging out with friends?
We seem to be under the impression that we deserve good things, that if bad things happen to us, we whine and sulk. And we blame God, asking Him why, why, why.
Sometimes, we are passionate for miracles, that if something extravagant does not happen, we feel down.
"That's so plain. Where's the miracle?"
Heck, it's right in front of you.
We seem to be under the impression that everything goes well because they ought to, because that's how things are, and when things are not well, it's an abnormal occurence.
Are we so pampered that we're taking things for granted???
I am a great lover of miracles, be it small or big, be it plain or extravagant, because it reminds me that my God is good, because it strengthens my faith in Him, because it gives joy to my heart.
It can be in the form of a lift that opens the moment I'm in front of it;
It can be in the form of a surprisingly good exam result;
It can be in the form of a day well spent.
And often, these are so common in our lives, that we see it as normal. We see it as something that should happen.
If so, let me tell you this, that in this imperfect world, the most normal thing that should happen is people dying everywhere, even right in front of your eyes, almost every moment.
If so, let me tell you this, that in this imperfect world, natural disaster should happen every now and then, with high probability of occurence.
If so, let me tell you this, that in this imperfect world, you should not have any reason to be happy, nor can you be happy.
Things are well because God is good. He spread His arms in love to shelter us from things that we so deserve: bad lucks.
And He protects us, believer and non-believer alike, because we're all His creations, and He loves each one of us, and do not wish us doom.
Often, when things are unwell, I would be extra reverent to God, praying earnestly, but when the thing passed, I act as if I deserve it, as if it should happen.
I often forget to be thankful.
Guard yourself against unthankfulness. Don't delight yourself in God's gift, delight yourself in Him.
If God bless you everyday with miracles, even with the extravagant ones, since you're human, there are high chance that you'll treat it as normal, having seen it too much.
Remember that the natural is just supernatural with high frequency of occurence.
Whatever Jesus meant when He said this, let us not be an evil and adulterous generation that seeks after a sign, and that no sign will be given to us except the sign of the prophet Jonah. (Matthew 12:39, rephrased)
If even the Hebrews would turn away from God just after the wonders they witness in Egypt, what guarantees that our faith is sealed if miracles are often poured on us?
As often as you can remember, and as often as you can remind yourself, delight yourself with the Giver, rather than the gifts.
"Be not deceived, Wormwood, our cause is never more in jeopardy than when a human, no longer desiring but still intending to do our Enemy's will, looks round upon a universe in which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys." - A letter from a devil to another devil. The Screwtape Letters, C.S. Lewis.
An exam passed, prolly with good results?
A project done, despite really bad circumstances?
A really good journey out, or just hanging out with friends?
We seem to be under the impression that we deserve good things, that if bad things happen to us, we whine and sulk. And we blame God, asking Him why, why, why.
Sometimes, we are passionate for miracles, that if something extravagant does not happen, we feel down.
"That's so plain. Where's the miracle?"
Heck, it's right in front of you.
We seem to be under the impression that everything goes well because they ought to, because that's how things are, and when things are not well, it's an abnormal occurence.
Are we so pampered that we're taking things for granted???
I am a great lover of miracles, be it small or big, be it plain or extravagant, because it reminds me that my God is good, because it strengthens my faith in Him, because it gives joy to my heart.
It can be in the form of a lift that opens the moment I'm in front of it;
It can be in the form of a surprisingly good exam result;
It can be in the form of a day well spent.
And often, these are so common in our lives, that we see it as normal. We see it as something that should happen.
If so, let me tell you this, that in this imperfect world, the most normal thing that should happen is people dying everywhere, even right in front of your eyes, almost every moment.
If so, let me tell you this, that in this imperfect world, natural disaster should happen every now and then, with high probability of occurence.
If so, let me tell you this, that in this imperfect world, you should not have any reason to be happy, nor can you be happy.
Things are well because God is good. He spread His arms in love to shelter us from things that we so deserve: bad lucks.
And He protects us, believer and non-believer alike, because we're all His creations, and He loves each one of us, and do not wish us doom.
Often, when things are unwell, I would be extra reverent to God, praying earnestly, but when the thing passed, I act as if I deserve it, as if it should happen.
I often forget to be thankful.
Guard yourself against unthankfulness. Don't delight yourself in God's gift, delight yourself in Him.
If God bless you everyday with miracles, even with the extravagant ones, since you're human, there are high chance that you'll treat it as normal, having seen it too much.
Remember that the natural is just supernatural with high frequency of occurence.
Whatever Jesus meant when He said this, let us not be an evil and adulterous generation that seeks after a sign, and that no sign will be given to us except the sign of the prophet Jonah. (Matthew 12:39, rephrased)
If even the Hebrews would turn away from God just after the wonders they witness in Egypt, what guarantees that our faith is sealed if miracles are often poured on us?
As often as you can remember, and as often as you can remind yourself, delight yourself with the Giver, rather than the gifts.
"Be not deceived, Wormwood, our cause is never more in jeopardy than when a human, no longer desiring but still intending to do our Enemy's will, looks round upon a universe in which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys." - A letter from a devil to another devil. The Screwtape Letters, C.S. Lewis.
Friday, August 03, 2007
onwards
There are times we look behind and say, "Ah, all the things in life we're going to miss," and when we look in front, we cannot help it but exclaim with great sadness, "Ah, all the things that these people would've missed, not knowing of the love and works of Christ!"
We are not people of great goodness, nor are we compassionate and kind and benevolent.
We are merely people who are compelled to feel what we feel, and to think what we think, by the love of God which He placed within us by our own willingness.
We do not find our love from within us, nor did we generate it, nor have we made it, but we were loved, and it is through that love that we have ours.
We do not attribute our acts of good works and great love to ourselves, for we know it is not from us, but we are merely the compelled stewards of God.
So, whenever you feel compelled to praise us, stop. Praise our God instead.
Be reminded that we are merely people who do good things because we are compelled to do it by His love.
We are not people of great goodness, nor are we compassionate and kind and benevolent.
We are merely people who are compelled to feel what we feel, and to think what we think, by the love of God which He placed within us by our own willingness.
We do not find our love from within us, nor did we generate it, nor have we made it, but we were loved, and it is through that love that we have ours.
We do not attribute our acts of good works and great love to ourselves, for we know it is not from us, but we are merely the compelled stewards of God.
So, whenever you feel compelled to praise us, stop. Praise our God instead.
Be reminded that we are merely people who do good things because we are compelled to do it by His love.
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
all
I dislike being call a minister. I mean, as in ministering to the needs of people, especially friends.
I refuse to categorize the things that I do as ministering, no matter how much they appear to be so.
Perhaps because the term seems to indicate superiority.
Perhaps because the term seems to indicate one-sided benefit.
Do you know that as much as you avail yourself to tend to the needs of others, most of the time it actually caters to yours as well?
Do you know that everytime you make a decision to bless someone, while it is God's will that the person be blessed, it is also His will that you're blessed through the action?
Let's take tithing as an example.
I guess you've heard of prosperity gospel before? The one that says the more you give to God, the more you'll get? Actually, it's not totally incorrect, though it is inaccurate.
It actually does work. Why? Simply because they're doing the right thing, though for the wrong reason.
For now, it is my belief that the proper reason of why we tithe, is firstly, to accomplish God's plan and will, whether it's for a big project, or simply to bless someone who is in need financially.
It also serves as a test given by God, to see how faithful and obedient we are to Him in dealing with the resources that He has given us.
If we aren't even faithful in dealing with the very little that has been given to us, what guarantees that we'll be faithful in dealing with more than what we already have?
If it's hard for us to give out 10 when we're given 100, wouldn't it be harder to give out 10,000 when we're given 100,000?
Now, I'm not saying that you should tithe until you have nothing left to use. You're given wisdom, but if you lack, ask.
If you just give until you have nothing left, that fact does not shows that you're a faithful steward, but someone who uses your God-given resources recklessly.
You've been given wisdom. Use it. But if you lack, ask from Him who gives freely.
Coming back to the original topic, there's almost never a such thing as one-sided blessing. Everytime you bless someone, you would most probably be blessed also in return, whether you realise it or not.
When you "minister" to someone, chances are that you're being ministered to as well.
Everytime you give advices, chances are that those advices would benefit you as well.
When you choose to accompany someone who's lonely, chances are that the whole event is also meant to provide for your loneliness as well.
Now, I do not mean that you should give all your resources, time and cash, to people around you. You've been given wisdom. Use it. If you lack, ask from Him who gives freely.
There is a time for everything.
For resting,
To be alone with God,
For hanging out with friends,
To be with family,
Mourning,
Rejoicing,
Crying,
And smiling.
So, the next time you "minister" to someone, do not do it feeling superior; but also do not do it for the sake of to be blessed in return - that's selfishness and insincere.
Just be glad for a chance to give, and a chance to receive.
I am always in awe everytime I think about how we've come to this world, empty handed,
But God, out of His love gave us something, so that we can give a portion back as a thanksgiving,
and when we do so, He has a reason to give us even more than what He has already given us.
He gave us first, that we could give Him back, that He can give us more.
So Lord, this is my all, everything that You've given me, everything that You've added unto me;
It is Yours, so claim me for Thyself, with much jealousy, with much love, with much covetousness.
"If He who in Himself can lack nothing chooses to need us, it is because we need to be needed." - The Screwtape Letters, C.S. Lewis.
I refuse to categorize the things that I do as ministering, no matter how much they appear to be so.
Perhaps because the term seems to indicate superiority.
Perhaps because the term seems to indicate one-sided benefit.
Do you know that as much as you avail yourself to tend to the needs of others, most of the time it actually caters to yours as well?
Do you know that everytime you make a decision to bless someone, while it is God's will that the person be blessed, it is also His will that you're blessed through the action?
Let's take tithing as an example.
I guess you've heard of prosperity gospel before? The one that says the more you give to God, the more you'll get? Actually, it's not totally incorrect, though it is inaccurate.
It actually does work. Why? Simply because they're doing the right thing, though for the wrong reason.
For now, it is my belief that the proper reason of why we tithe, is firstly, to accomplish God's plan and will, whether it's for a big project, or simply to bless someone who is in need financially.
It also serves as a test given by God, to see how faithful and obedient we are to Him in dealing with the resources that He has given us.
If we aren't even faithful in dealing with the very little that has been given to us, what guarantees that we'll be faithful in dealing with more than what we already have?
If it's hard for us to give out 10 when we're given 100, wouldn't it be harder to give out 10,000 when we're given 100,000?
Now, I'm not saying that you should tithe until you have nothing left to use. You're given wisdom, but if you lack, ask.
If you just give until you have nothing left, that fact does not shows that you're a faithful steward, but someone who uses your God-given resources recklessly.
You've been given wisdom. Use it. But if you lack, ask from Him who gives freely.
Coming back to the original topic, there's almost never a such thing as one-sided blessing. Everytime you bless someone, you would most probably be blessed also in return, whether you realise it or not.
When you "minister" to someone, chances are that you're being ministered to as well.
Everytime you give advices, chances are that those advices would benefit you as well.
When you choose to accompany someone who's lonely, chances are that the whole event is also meant to provide for your loneliness as well.
Now, I do not mean that you should give all your resources, time and cash, to people around you. You've been given wisdom. Use it. If you lack, ask from Him who gives freely.
There is a time for everything.
For resting,
To be alone with God,
For hanging out with friends,
To be with family,
Mourning,
Rejoicing,
Crying,
And smiling.
So, the next time you "minister" to someone, do not do it feeling superior; but also do not do it for the sake of to be blessed in return - that's selfishness and insincere.
Just be glad for a chance to give, and a chance to receive.
I am always in awe everytime I think about how we've come to this world, empty handed,
But God, out of His love gave us something, so that we can give a portion back as a thanksgiving,
and when we do so, He has a reason to give us even more than what He has already given us.
He gave us first, that we could give Him back, that He can give us more.
So Lord, this is my all, everything that You've given me, everything that You've added unto me;
It is Yours, so claim me for Thyself, with much jealousy, with much love, with much covetousness.
"If He who in Himself can lack nothing chooses to need us, it is because we need to be needed." - The Screwtape Letters, C.S. Lewis.
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
royalty
Let me seek more than humanly praises,
Let me seek Your will.
Let me seek more than a lady's affection,
Let me seek Your love.
Let me seek more than worldly achievements,
Let me seek Your approval.
Let me seek more than carnal pleasures,
Let me seek Your fulfillment.
Let me seek more than who I am,
Let me seek You.
I am so filthy that I would die, my mind, they're never pure.
They asked me seek goodness within myself, these I never found;
And I know that they're never there.
Woe is me to die in my sins,
For not even my good deeds can save me, and even these I have none!
Oh how haggardly trodden is the cross!
But oh, how beautiful is the land beyond it, where the light is never dim, view more beautiful than the most glorious sunset!
Woe is me for the land I can see but cannot go.
But happy am I, for He died, and He lived!
He died, and my sins died with Him, He suffered, He suffered, to my regrets, He suffered.
And He lived,
Carrying my hands, He braved everything,
He made sure my pair of filthy and disgusting feet stepped into the beautiful land,
He cleansed me, from my hair to the toe of both my foot,
He clothed me with princely robes, He adorned me with priceless jewels,
He treated me as His own,
He treated me like His own son,
The man who nailed Him to the cross.
I bow before You.
I am nothing without You.
These I know, but many times I ran away.
You accept me no matter what,
You forgave me, when no man can.
Again, and again, and again, and again, and again.
So, remind us Lord, always?
That we are nothing without you,
and our royalty, is but from You.
You accepted us as Your own,
Princes and Princesses You made us,
Heavenly royalties, we became,
Because of who You are.
Simply because of who You are.
I bow, and I confess, that "the Lord is my salvation, I am nothing without Him, He raised me up like the eagles;
He loved me, and even death cannot do us part."
Let me seek Your will.
Let me seek more than a lady's affection,
Let me seek Your love.
Let me seek more than worldly achievements,
Let me seek Your approval.
Let me seek more than carnal pleasures,
Let me seek Your fulfillment.
Let me seek more than who I am,
Let me seek You.
I am so filthy that I would die, my mind, they're never pure.
They asked me seek goodness within myself, these I never found;
And I know that they're never there.
Woe is me to die in my sins,
For not even my good deeds can save me, and even these I have none!
Oh how haggardly trodden is the cross!
But oh, how beautiful is the land beyond it, where the light is never dim, view more beautiful than the most glorious sunset!
Woe is me for the land I can see but cannot go.
But happy am I, for He died, and He lived!
He died, and my sins died with Him, He suffered, He suffered, to my regrets, He suffered.
And He lived,
Carrying my hands, He braved everything,
He made sure my pair of filthy and disgusting feet stepped into the beautiful land,
He cleansed me, from my hair to the toe of both my foot,
He clothed me with princely robes, He adorned me with priceless jewels,
He treated me as His own,
He treated me like His own son,
The man who nailed Him to the cross.
I bow before You.
I am nothing without You.
These I know, but many times I ran away.
You accept me no matter what,
You forgave me, when no man can.
Again, and again, and again, and again, and again.
So, remind us Lord, always?
That we are nothing without you,
and our royalty, is but from You.
You accepted us as Your own,
Princes and Princesses You made us,
Heavenly royalties, we became,
Because of who You are.
Simply because of who You are.
I bow, and I confess, that "the Lord is my salvation, I am nothing without Him, He raised me up like the eagles;
He loved me, and even death cannot do us part."
Sunday, July 08, 2007
when
When in doubt, rejoice, for you have the privilege to be.
When persecuted, whether physically, mentally, or spiritually, rejoice, for you're counted worthy to suffer for Him.
When weak, rejoice, for you shall be strengthened.
When feeling inadequate and lacking, rejoice, for you will be perfected.
And when feeling far from God, rejoice, for perhaps that is when He's nearest.
When persecuted, whether physically, mentally, or spiritually, rejoice, for you're counted worthy to suffer for Him.
When weak, rejoice, for you shall be strengthened.
When feeling inadequate and lacking, rejoice, for you will be perfected.
And when feeling far from God, rejoice, for perhaps that is when He's nearest.
untitled
I've made it a point to never apologize for being who I am.
But can I ever apologize enough for all the hurts done during my process of becoming a better person, a better follower of Christ...?
But can I ever apologize enough for all the hurts done during my process of becoming a better person, a better follower of Christ...?
Friday, July 06, 2007
favour
Ahhhhh..................
Can't I see a favour when I see one?
Was saving money on food, when the seller offered me extra dish for free (I assumed) since he wanted to close off already.
............And I said no.
Mehhhhh................
I regretted it as soon as I stepped out of the shop, and while I was walking back.
Was it from pride that I said no, or was it uncertainty?
What caused me to missed such a favour, and will I continue to miss such favours in the future?
Will my pride and nature cause me to miss more of such possible-God-given favours?
But then while I was contemplating the whole thing, I started to wonder with a different perspective.
Was such incidence a favour missed, or a favour gained?
While it looked like a favour, how if I was meant to reject it; how if it would've caused me illness instead?
I can cry a thousand tears at the thought of missed opportunities, but what if those "grave misfortunes" were never misfortunes afterall?
"You give and take away, You give and take away, my heart will choose to say, Lord, blessed be Your name."
"I believe that all things work together for the good of those who love God, for those those who are called, according to His purpose."
"My God is glorious and mighty, He has never failed me, and will never do; He is beyond my expectations. I shall not let my shortsightedness prevent me from daily giving Him thanks, even when things are not as I wanted them to be, or that they do not seem good at all in my sight."
- I'm still learning to really mean these words that I proclaim often.
How can I not trust that He'll always be here to complement me my mistakes, as He had promised me, when, as my best friend put it:
"I know my God is faithful, I've proven Himself oft before."
Can't I see a favour when I see one?
Was saving money on food, when the seller offered me extra dish for free (I assumed) since he wanted to close off already.
............And I said no.
Mehhhhh................
I regretted it as soon as I stepped out of the shop, and while I was walking back.
Was it from pride that I said no, or was it uncertainty?
What caused me to missed such a favour, and will I continue to miss such favours in the future?
Will my pride and nature cause me to miss more of such possible-God-given favours?
But then while I was contemplating the whole thing, I started to wonder with a different perspective.
Was such incidence a favour missed, or a favour gained?
While it looked like a favour, how if I was meant to reject it; how if it would've caused me illness instead?
I can cry a thousand tears at the thought of missed opportunities, but what if those "grave misfortunes" were never misfortunes afterall?
"You give and take away, You give and take away, my heart will choose to say, Lord, blessed be Your name."
"I believe that all things work together for the good of those who love God, for those those who are called, according to His purpose."
"My God is glorious and mighty, He has never failed me, and will never do; He is beyond my expectations. I shall not let my shortsightedness prevent me from daily giving Him thanks, even when things are not as I wanted them to be, or that they do not seem good at all in my sight."
- I'm still learning to really mean these words that I proclaim often.
How can I not trust that He'll always be here to complement me my mistakes, as He had promised me, when, as my best friend put it:
"I know my God is faithful, I've proven Himself oft before."
Thursday, June 28, 2007
not regretted
Should there be any mistake in the practise of present day Christianity, it's in giving people the time, space and freedom to get to know Jesus Christ.
Should there be any mistake in the practise of present day Christianity, it's in giving people the time, space and freedom to change for the better.
And these we refuse to regret.
Should there be any mistake in the practise of present day Christianity, it's in giving people the time, space and freedom to change for the better.
And these we refuse to regret.
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
untitled
On the day that we were born our navel cord was not cut, nor were we washed in water to cleanse us; we were not rubbed with salt nor wrapped in swaddling cloths.
No eye pitied us, to do any of these things for us, to have compassion on us; but we were thrown out into the open field, when we ourselves were loathed on the day we were born.
And when You passed by us, and saw us struggling in our own blood, You said to us in our blood, 'Live!' Yes, You said to us in our blood, 'Live!'
You made us thrive like a plant in the field; and we grew, matured, and became very beautiful. Our bosom were formed, our hair grew, but we were naked and bare.
When You passed by us again and looked upon us, indeed our time was the time of love; so You spread Your wing over us and covered our nakedness. Yes, You swore an oath to us and entered into a convenant with us, and we became Yours,
Then You washed us in water; yes, You thoroughly washed off our blood, and You anointed us with oil.
You clothed us in embroidered cloth and gave us sandals of badger skin; You clothed us with fine linen and covered us with silk.
You adorned us with ornaments, put bracelets on our wrists, and a chain on our neck.
And you put a jewel in our nose, earrings in our ears, and a beautiful crown on our head.
Thus we were adorned with gold and silver, and our clothing was of fine linen, silk, and embroidered cloth. We ate pastry of fine flour, honey, and oil. We were exceedingly beautiful, and succeeded to royalty.
Our fame went out among the nations because of our beauty, for it was perfect through Your splendour which You bestowed on us.
No eye pitied us, to do any of these things for us, to have compassion on us; but we were thrown out into the open field, when we ourselves were loathed on the day we were born.
And when You passed by us, and saw us struggling in our own blood, You said to us in our blood, 'Live!' Yes, You said to us in our blood, 'Live!'
You made us thrive like a plant in the field; and we grew, matured, and became very beautiful. Our bosom were formed, our hair grew, but we were naked and bare.
When You passed by us again and looked upon us, indeed our time was the time of love; so You spread Your wing over us and covered our nakedness. Yes, You swore an oath to us and entered into a convenant with us, and we became Yours,
Then You washed us in water; yes, You thoroughly washed off our blood, and You anointed us with oil.
You clothed us in embroidered cloth and gave us sandals of badger skin; You clothed us with fine linen and covered us with silk.
You adorned us with ornaments, put bracelets on our wrists, and a chain on our neck.
And you put a jewel in our nose, earrings in our ears, and a beautiful crown on our head.
Thus we were adorned with gold and silver, and our clothing was of fine linen, silk, and embroidered cloth. We ate pastry of fine flour, honey, and oil. We were exceedingly beautiful, and succeeded to royalty.
Our fame went out among the nations because of our beauty, for it was perfect through Your splendour which You bestowed on us.
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
untitled
There are times when I wish I wouldn't have this heart of understanding.
There are times that I hate understanding why people do the things they do. Or why they are the way they are.
Else, I'd be free to blame, and to condemn, and to accuse as I like.
I'd prolly live an easier life.
But then again, things could be worse if I'm not already who I am now.
Sigh. Even while groaning of discontent, let it be my desire to desire what You desire.
Let Your will be done, and not mine.
My life, is never mine anymore, right? I've placed it on Your hands few years ago. Let me not take it back, knowing that it's in a better hand than mine.
Let me not worry, for You are with me.
Let me not fear, for am I not also a servant of the Most High?
Let me not fear of people, but them of me,
Of the things You would inspire me to say,
Of the things You would inspire me to do.
You're set to destroy the works of the devil, so let me tag along.
Let my fears draw me closer to You, seeking courage,
Let my tears draw me closer to You, seeking comfort,
Let my failing heart draws me closer to You, seeking encouragement.
Let my battered body and soul draw me closer to You, seeking healing.
I love You, let not this words fail, for You're a God of the impossible.
There are times that I hate understanding why people do the things they do. Or why they are the way they are.
Else, I'd be free to blame, and to condemn, and to accuse as I like.
I'd prolly live an easier life.
But then again, things could be worse if I'm not already who I am now.
Sigh. Even while groaning of discontent, let it be my desire to desire what You desire.
Let Your will be done, and not mine.
My life, is never mine anymore, right? I've placed it on Your hands few years ago. Let me not take it back, knowing that it's in a better hand than mine.
Let me not worry, for You are with me.
Let me not fear, for am I not also a servant of the Most High?
Let me not fear of people, but them of me,
Of the things You would inspire me to say,
Of the things You would inspire me to do.
You're set to destroy the works of the devil, so let me tag along.
Let my fears draw me closer to You, seeking courage,
Let my tears draw me closer to You, seeking comfort,
Let my failing heart draws me closer to You, seeking encouragement.
Let my battered body and soul draw me closer to You, seeking healing.
I love You, let not this words fail, for You're a God of the impossible.
Friday, June 15, 2007
in awe
Is it not interesting that when God calls us, it's almost always when we're least prepared for it.
Well, He does prepare us for it, through hints, through nudges, through events, through conversations, but all in all, it's mysterious.
It's so mysterious and interesting that I almost couldn't care less about explaining it; I'd rather just watch and be fascinated.
We struggle with His calling, we wrestle it out, we cry, we whimper, we sulk.
It seems so hard to comply, it seems so hard to obey, UNTIL you obeyed.
When you've finally given in, you'd be so relieved and that such decision does not seem that hard to make afterall. But looking back, you know it is tough.
Why so? Is it because of how our human nature is determined to condemn our person to the depths of hell? Or is it because of temptation from our faithful adversary, the devil?
But it's fun that no matter what, if we do love God, He'll always get what He wants through us. (Doesn't mean He don't get what He wants if we don't love Him.)
We may go into that cycle of complaining to Him, bargaining with Him, arguing with Him.
We may even comply, but with personal agenda(s).
But it's fun to see that our own selfish motives get changed and remoulded, unwittingly, to fit His plans instead.
'All things work together for the good of those who *love* God, to those who are the called, according to *His purpose*.' - Romans 8:28
And even while writing this that I'm having a better understanding of this verse.
Reminds me of a time when I was assigned the task of preparing devotional material for a camp of the Christian Fellowship I belonged to (though I do not feel qualified for such thing.). I was planning to use that opportunity to address a certain issue I see prevailing among my beloved brethrens, only to find that the final product was totally different from what I intend it to be.
And the final form was such that I cannot change it back to fit my agenda.
My Lord gets what He wants, while not revealing His plans to me, and even through my selfishness, shapes me to be a better servant of His.
Well, others might deem the final product not good enough, but I couldn't care less. It's not my job to squeeze result out of people.
I saw how my Lord worked through me, with such elegance, mystery, and authority, that I can do nothing else but to bow down and admire Him of His wonderful ways.
Let me be with You in this wretched body for a while more, in awe of Your wonders and might, a witness among many, of Your goodness and greatness.
And let us be awed to such extent that we cannot help but to invite those around us to also be witnesses of Your awesomeness.
Well, He does prepare us for it, through hints, through nudges, through events, through conversations, but all in all, it's mysterious.
It's so mysterious and interesting that I almost couldn't care less about explaining it; I'd rather just watch and be fascinated.
We struggle with His calling, we wrestle it out, we cry, we whimper, we sulk.
It seems so hard to comply, it seems so hard to obey, UNTIL you obeyed.
When you've finally given in, you'd be so relieved and that such decision does not seem that hard to make afterall. But looking back, you know it is tough.
Why so? Is it because of how our human nature is determined to condemn our person to the depths of hell? Or is it because of temptation from our faithful adversary, the devil?
But it's fun that no matter what, if we do love God, He'll always get what He wants through us. (Doesn't mean He don't get what He wants if we don't love Him.)
We may go into that cycle of complaining to Him, bargaining with Him, arguing with Him.
We may even comply, but with personal agenda(s).
But it's fun to see that our own selfish motives get changed and remoulded, unwittingly, to fit His plans instead.
'All things work together for the good of those who *love* God, to those who are the called, according to *His purpose*.' - Romans 8:28
And even while writing this that I'm having a better understanding of this verse.
Reminds me of a time when I was assigned the task of preparing devotional material for a camp of the Christian Fellowship I belonged to (though I do not feel qualified for such thing.). I was planning to use that opportunity to address a certain issue I see prevailing among my beloved brethrens, only to find that the final product was totally different from what I intend it to be.
And the final form was such that I cannot change it back to fit my agenda.
My Lord gets what He wants, while not revealing His plans to me, and even through my selfishness, shapes me to be a better servant of His.
Well, others might deem the final product not good enough, but I couldn't care less. It's not my job to squeeze result out of people.
I saw how my Lord worked through me, with such elegance, mystery, and authority, that I can do nothing else but to bow down and admire Him of His wonderful ways.
Let me be with You in this wretched body for a while more, in awe of Your wonders and might, a witness among many, of Your goodness and greatness.
And let us be awed to such extent that we cannot help but to invite those around us to also be witnesses of Your awesomeness.
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