in anticipation

I can cry a thousand tears,
for all the regrets I have in my heart,
but it'll never change the fact that I've let go of Your hand when I should've hold on tighter than ever.

I can kneel a thousand times,
for all the regrets I feel in my heart,
but it'll never change the fact that I turn away from Your presence when You wanted me to stay.

I can say a thousand sorry,
for all the regrets I hold in my heart,
but it'll never change the fact that I betrayed You when You only have me to be Your defense.

I can tell You that I love You, with tears in my eyes and soberness in my heart,
but it'll never change the fact that I spat at Your feet and insulted Your honour whenever the time comes for me to prove of the love I've said earlier.

I can tell You that I love You, with all sincerity I have, with every dignity I have,
but it'll never change the fact that I hurt You where it hurts the most, that I stepped on Your heart after breaking it into pieces.

While I've promised myself that I will never apologize for being who I am, I am sorrowful of doing things I will not to do, doing things I'm not supposed to do.

For every failure in every trial, for forgetting of who You are to me, for forgetting my love for You and Yours for me.

I yearn greatly for the day when I'll be able to be like who You are.
If I were to follow my heart, how I wish the day that I'll be perfected to be now, to be this very moment.

But for the very least that I know about You, I know that that this is never how it goes.

Thank You that Your love is not measured by how many tears I drop for You;
Thank You that Your love is not measured by how worthy I am;
Thank You that Your love is not measured by how faithful I am;
Thank You that Your love is not measured by what I do;
Thank You that Your love is not measured by how good I am.

Thank You that Your love is as high as the heavens above, as deep as the ocean below.

Enable me to be stronger than this, better than this,
That my feet shall dance graceful steps that brings joy to Your heart,
That my voice shall sing sweet songs of praise to fill Your throne,
That I shall hear You say, "this is My friend; with him I am well pleased, for He is faithful and loving; he is My brother."

"Complement my piano playing, until the day when I'll be able to play it as good as You are; and when I have, I shall play for You beautiful pieces that will bring soothing melody to Your ears, and a smile to Your face."

I shall wait. In sorrow and in joy, in hatred and in love.