timely eerie

Most of my major decisions these days are timely, it's almost eerie...

Do You really meant for me to severe all of yesterday's strings?

like autumn leaves

I think it's time to accept the fact that while these things are things I've prepared myself for, if it'll hurt, it'll hurt.

It's time to severe the threads of the past, and to move into the world I've been ordained to go to.

Despite the possible protest, I reckon a simple farewell would suffice.

It's almost time for autumn.

caring

Is there an optimum number to people who care about you?

Because it seems that if you have to many people who do, they become a nuisance.

distance

Sometimes, I think I should draw near.
Sometimes, I think I shouldn't. I should even go out of sight.

I don't know what to do. What do YOU want me to do?

:<

why still?

Why am I still stubbornly holding on to this, seeing that I've already given up such a life?

Is it to show to people that it is possible to love forever?
Even if I can, they'll come up with excuses of why they can't anyway.

Why am I pitting myself against this thing anyway? My heart, it's scarring; It's worse than the scratches on my ring.


I am on my own on this one.

disappointment

There are many things that I've done, even if it's wrong in the eyes of others, are products of much contemplation.

Sure, I'm just 24 going 25, a young brat who knows little of this world. I know plans do not always work out, I know sometimes people step on their principles when they're cornered just to get away.

Heck, I've never had any plans that was perfectly executed. Most of them ended in shambles.

Many of my principles are laid out based on past experiences. Sure, there are things that will be obsolete, which is why I would test out my principles once in a while, to see whether they're still relevant. And I have to say, the younger me who laid out those principles always appears to be wiser than who I am now.

There are many things that I knew I was going to regret, but which I believe is necessary, that I do. Well, regret isn't exactly the most accurate term; disappointed is.

For some of them, I'm glad I did, because I see the results. They often reaffirm what I believe. And for most of them, as expected, I went through disappointments.

I foresaw the ending, but kept with the plan, because I hope things will be different from what I thought it would be. Contrary to popular belief, I get more disappointments and tears not from going with my principles, but against them.

And this time again, I did it. I knew I was going to feel disappointed; I just didn't know that it's this much.

respect & tolerance

What is respect?
What is tolerance?

Are they one and the same, or are they different entities?

Was discussing this with a friend. We didn't really went to define what they are, but rather to assume that they're not the same, but are two different things altogether.

For now, this is our conclusion, that respect must imply tolerance, but tolerance does not necessarily imply respect.

Well, it's not what I think anyway, but this is the one we agreed upon.

What do you think?

illusion

Humans prefer to go for things that they know well, or things they think they know well.

Well, mysterious things have their charms, but over time, people would tend to feel frustrated. They feel frustrated that despite the effort invested in understanding, they can't.

People who are different from others would initially spark some interest. But as time goes by, if that illusion of understanding is unable to be conjured, they would walk away.

It's easier to talk to people, befriend those who you can understand, or think you will eventually understand, or at least have an illusion that you will understand them one day.

Come to me with that kind of motivation, and you will eventually walk away one day.
Come to me with that kind of motivation, and you will eventually place all your frustrations of being unable to understand me on me.
Come to me with that kind of motivation, and you will eventually blame me when you are unable to grasp my mind.

People change. I'm the kind that changes drastically. Or perhaps, I'm never one to let anyone live in the illusion that they have finally understood me. Perhaps, I frustrate people with my honesty.

It's not hard to know me. It's only hard if you're trying to understand me by looking at the wrong side of me. If you would know my Lord, you would know me. If you would know my Lord, you would understand why I'm so different.

I've once lost my all, and now He's my everything.

I'm not saying that all Christians should be like this; I'm saying I'm this kind of Christian.

I'm sorry that I'm unable to live to your expectations, nor will I allow myself to do so.
I'm sorry that I'm unable to let you think you've understood me fully, that would be dishonest.
I'm sorry that I'm unable to make things easier for you, but did you come to me thinking it'll be easy?

Are you frustrated at me because of who I am, or are you frustrated at me because every time you think you've grasped my mind, I would proceed to destroy that illusion?

praise

Praise the Lord!

Who understands what this actually means?

We sing songs to our Lord and call it praise.
Dearie, no matter what you call it, it's still called singing.

I've heard how you praised that smart entrepreneur, that benevolent philanthropist, and that beautiful celebrity. The praises Jesus get don't even come close to the praises they get from you. It's shameful to even compare!

Wait, did you even praised Him? The last time I heard you praised Him, you were singing. You sang song, and nothing else.

But let's be honest. It's not easy to ACTUALLY praise Him, huh?

grieve

I gave a part of myself today away, for the sake of becoming a better person, to be able to love more truthfully.

It's an improvement, and I should rejoice. But I'm not.

I'm grieving. I chose to grieve.
And I thank God that He does not think that my feelings are unimportant.

Thank You for grieving with me., despite the fact that I shouldn't.

Today, I grieve.

elders

I often do try to respect elders as much as possible, even when many of them are, well, one would say, never grew up from their teen years.

I suspect that for an irritating older person, there is almost always something in the past that caused him to be such, and for the sake of the years of experience just being alive, they deserve our understanding and respect.

Who knows, perhaps, just perhaps the love we give can heal their deepest hurt, that it would free them from the ghost of yesterday.

As for younger folks, especially those who are harsh towards their elders, you are not worthy of respect. I don't care how smart you are, you are not worthy of respect. The fact that you do not exhibit even a hint of desire to understand them shows your lack of experience in comparison to them. Like I said, I don't care how smart you are; the fact that you lack life experiences but acting so smugly as if you have much is enough for me to decide that you are not worthy of my respect.

But then again, I'm not that important to you that whether I respect you or not, matters, right?

;)

the best in you

If I were to be a debater,
I want to be one that would provoke the best thoughts from my opponent.

If I were to be a rival,
I want to be one that would bring out the best in him.

If I were to be a lover,
I want to be one that would cause you to bloom more beautifully, to flourish better than everyone else.


Why does my heart ache every time I see you far away, whenever you seem to shine with such glorious splendour?
It aches with both longing and love.

Perhaps the reason why I would ever want you to be plain is to keep you near, to keep you from being out of reach.

My selfishness disgusts me.


"Do you love her?
Do you know what’s the difference between like and love?
If you like a flower, you would pluck it.
If you love a flower, you would water it.
I would be watering it!" - Kim Jong Min

someone

Was driving to the airport just now. No, I will not tell you the reason of why I did that. Heh.

During the journey, somehow I felt that my heart misses someone. Someone who would sit by my side, someone to share the journey with.

So, I scan through people that I know, people that I thought would be that someone: My friends, my sisters, and even my favourite celebrities.
I even try to imagine actually having them there.

But to my surprise, I find that none of them fit the bill. They don't fill my longing.

I actually miss someone, but it's no one...

of the Bible and Jesus

"We do not have faith in Jesus Christ because we believe in the Bible, but we trust in the Bible because the Holy Spirit has brought us to faith in Jesus Christ through the Bible." - Theological Professors of The American Lutheran Church

different

People say that I think differently.

Do I?

Some prefer to be more tactful and used the word "special," but I prefer the word "weird." No offense taken. Weird is weird. Nothing is wrong about stating such a fact.

But for me, a question that is more important is, am I purposefully trying to be different?

It is evident in the games I play, that I would choose the kind of games where I can create a hero that is different from everybody else; I dislike the mediocrity.

And from such a habit/preference, it got me questioning my very nature, whether I'm actually not very different, only purposely making myself different.

But the catch is this, that when you create a game character that is different from everybody else, (which you of course, have to ensure is a good one, else you'd be tired of playing a character that's a failure) you would be looked upon with respect and admiration.

When it comes to real world, things are most probably different. Birds with same wings prefer to flock together, and this saying is quite the same with humans. No one (as many as I have known) prefer to be with someone so different, that the person seems so out of the world, that communication is hopeless. In this world, most of the time, being different means being ostracized. You get left out.

Or perhaps it is because of that, that I am purposefully different. (IF I'm actually purposefully different, no conclusion made yet)

Perhaps, I actually prefer to be ostracized.

Perhaps, I actually wanted to be left out.

Hmm...

first to leave

Perhaps it is because of the unwillingness to endure sadness from the departure of others, that I would prefer myself to be the one to leave first.

And honestly, such is really selfishness, and is the kind of selfishness that I can live with.

deity of Christ

To call a person who do not believe in the deity of Jesus Christ a Christian, is as absurd as calling the table a chair.
This is because the promoters, if we allow such an illustration, were people who believed that He is God's Son, that He is divine.

Those who would believe that Jesus Christ was a mere mortal would be better off coming up with a new term to describe themselves, like Jesusism or something, for it would be unfair to confuse an existing religion with a new one that is neither a sect, nor a heresy, but a totally brand new thing.

love today

"Love today, not tomorrow."


Some of you might say, how about tomorrow? We should also need to love tomorrow!

Well, the thing is this, that if you can't even love properly today, why worry about tomorrow? Why talk about tomorrow? It's irrelevant!

If you are already loving today, to your fullest capacity, you wouldn't bother to ask me the question that you just asked.

So, go. Love today. Tomorrow you can live the same phrase again. :P

already there

When I'm too tolerant, You push me to move,
When I'm too indignant, You allow me to go through broken moments.

Can it be any other way, that I'd always be stable,
That I'd always be at the level I'm supposed to be,
Unwavering,
Always perfect?

But if I'm already there, I guess You wouldn't be doing what You're doing to me, and in me.

Hmm...

right or wrong

Sometimes, we harp about love so much that, it is as if it doesn't matter if something is right or wrong. (as opposed to if "someone" is right or wrong) I suspect that I am guilty of this a lot too, though I cannot recall them now.

We talk about how we should mimic God's love, as if God never cared about right or wrong.

Well, it is true that we should show as much love as God has given us, for it is the hallmark of Christianity. But to say that God never cared about right or wrong, is not entirely true.

Sure, reconciliation is of utmost importance, but that does not mean that it can only be achieved through uniformity, or even agreements. Uniformity might make it easier to be united, but being united doesn't mean that we have to conform to a single thing, in all things.

To say that God unconditionally accepted everyone without a cost is a lie, because He did that at the price of His Son.