God-given passion

For those who have made it their life's passion to care for people, please do continue this wonderful work that God has placed in your heart to do.

Over the course of time, there would most probably be people who dislike you for it.

They would think that you're a pain, and you'd regret that you even cared.

But if I can even convince you with my words, believe me when I say that between caring and not caring, the regret of choosing the former would be much bearable compared to the latter.

Some would dislike you for caring, some would like you.
Some would like you for not caring, some would dislike you.

No matter what, people would still say things. Care for them anyway.

Trust me on this, that you can live better knowing that you're disliked for caring, rather than knowing what had happened when you did not.

But while on this business of caring, do learn to be more sensitive in words and deeds.
Learn what to say and what not to say.
Learn what to do and what not to do.
Learn when to act and when not to act.
And most importantly, learn to draw strength from God, ask Him for your heart's genuine love, beg Him for wisdom and knowledge.

And ultimately, let this passion and works draw you closer to God by the moments, for is He not the one that has placed it in your heart in the first place, and is He not the reason that you do all the things that you do?

May God bless you in this wonderful work, giving you much more than you can hold, that you would give to others from your overflowing abundance.

heartbreaks

There are times I wonder why the heck do I make such promises; why are such convenants swored?

Choosing to love individuals, and treating them accordingly, to the decision of love I've made.
Showering them with love and care.
Not expecting anything in return, because I'm not doing it so that I can be treated the same in return.

I love because I choose to.
I care because I've made a decision to do so.

But there are times, even with such mindset, that I wonder whether the person even care about these things that I do.

But searching deep within, it is not because I hope to have something in return when I do these things, but when individuals told me that I'm loved too.

If you do love and care for me, why do I feel that you're not?
If you do love and care for me, as you've said, I rather that you didn't say so.

I don't mind learning and trying to love people, but I can't stand it when people say that they love me, and do not act according to what they've said.

I rather you don't love me at all.

But for a while, just for a while, I turned the situation in the light of God, I beginning to wonder things.

I wonder how would He had felt for all the times we professed our love to Him, but we act in opposition to that confession.
How heartbroken are You, how many tears would You have shed?

You, who loved us first, and leaving the decision to love back fully in our hands. And even when we decide to love You in return, You left Yourself vulnerable to the shallowness of our human love, leaving Yourself open to constant heartbreaks.

And look Lord, how heartbroken have You made me, putting such love in my heart, to even feel a fragment of Yours would render me broken, making me collapse and be of no use.
You have placed me in a place to feel Your heartaches, You've placed me in a place where I cannot not do what You want me to do.

If these are my tears, how much more would You have shed?
If this is the extent of my heartaches, how much more are Yours?
If I'm so heartbroken seeing the strife and struggle of Your people, how much more are You?

For those who proclaim of their love for God, but in your deeds you bring shame to such proclamation, I pray that God would put His love into your heart, so much that your heart breaks.
For you who confessed of your love for God, but in your acts you disgrace your own confession, I pray that He would put you in places, in situations, to feel what He's feeling, so much that it breaks your heart.

Why such prayers, are these revenge?

How can I utter revenge when my God has place in my heart the passion to love you?

It is through these that I hope your life would be changed, that you can finally love for real, for has not such been your constant prayer?
It is through these that I hope you'd understand more of who He is, that you would not take Him for granted.
It is through these that I hope you'd step out of your comfort zone, to reach out to many, fulfilling your calling to be a blessing to many, to act out from the passion of your Lord.

May God fill your heart with love so much that it breaks your heart these days, that you would no longer sit still, but would instead turn to Him, to quench His passion for His creations.

acquaintanceship

Everyone is moving somewhere. There are times when our path crosses. And there are times when our path the same for a certain period of time, so we walk together.

We are but lamp holders bumping into one another. Some for a lengthy period of time, some moved on quick. No matter what, we need to go our own way, meeting new people, letting go of the old.

Sometimes, we are like stations. Resting stations for people who are weary. A friendship stop for people who needed it. A lamp holder for people to see for the moments. And often, other people serve us the same way we do them and others.

Most of the time, I feel like my lifelong calling is to be a middle person. God has made me one of the many connectors of one person to another, one of the many connectors of the past and the future.

And I need to learn to not hold on to most friendships for too long. The memory of it will last forever, but there are time I needed to let go of their hands, to let them pursue what they should, even with a broken heart at that.

The next time we don't meet or talk anymore, I shall know that you're already having a close friendship with the next person in this one way road, and that my company is unnecessary anymore. Do not deem it selfish, for we humans need each other, and that we are benefactors of one another. There would be a time when I am not needed anymore, and that God will send you your next friend.

All in all, whether it's in building a new friendship, or letting go of an old one, that God would draw us closer to Himself through all these, through our happiness and our heartbreaks.

Friendship don't necessarily last forever, but the memory of it will.

faith

Can one find peace amidst this chaos?
This unsettling fear, it lingers unceasingly,
In the heart of many.

Would there be calm, in this turbulence?
I can hardly imagine if there could be one.
Even if there be one,
It'll be but for a moment,
Leaving as quick as it comes.

But it is because of my God that I've come to know,
It is because of my Lord whom I've grown to love,
That I have hope.
A hope that arises from His love.

There can be peace in the midst of this unceasing chaos;
There can be calm in this crazy storm;
He will cause me to smile in the face of harm,
He will be my safety in the face of danger,
Because it is in my God that I trust.

Whether in life or death, He is with me;
Who can win against me?

There can be peace in the midst of this chaos;
There can be calm in this storm;
For it is in God that we trust.

Wedding Vows

Will you, in the midst of the comfort and/or conflict at home, do your best to attend to the poor and needy?

Will you, while having children of your own, if God gives, remember the orphans and broken homes, and if possible, to provide relief?

Will you, strengthened by your partner, not just be contented with the love of each other, but would have your marriage bring forth better things for others?

untitled

There exists many arguments and statements concerning reality that sounds so convincing and logical, but can never happen or exist apart from the linguistic world.


There also exists many arguments and statements that sounds so illogical, contradictory and paradoxical that it seems impossible for it to exist in reality, but are natural occurences.

Amusing world.

And I make it my aim to venture deeper into it.

pre-response

Yes, do continue with your speculations.
Continue to indulge in that tasty and juicy game of guessing; that tempting lie that your heart and the evil one devised, that you would be caught up in useless and time-wasting wonders.
Is it useful and absolutely necessary for you to know things that are purposely kept from your knowledge, with your health of mind in thought when such is done?
Go on, continue and indulge in things that are absolutely not useful and time-wasting and strife-inviting, that perhaps one day you would look back and regret upon it and have a better life, or perhaps would never realise about it even in death.

-a pre-thought response to a possible future speculation on my possible writings or words.-

future

Hey you.

Yes, you who has plans to be a husband, to get married.

Don't just dream and hope about it, please do start now.

Start working to be a good husband, to be a good father.

Rid yourself of your collection of pornography materials.
Rid yourself of that cigarette pack.
Rid yourself of that pride.
Rid yourself of unforgiveness.
Rid yourself of sin.

Seek God for strength.
Seek God for fruits of His Spirit.
Seek God for truth.
Seek God to prepare you to be a better person.
Seek God to replenish you.
Seek God's will for your life.

I don't want to see your wife crying just because you've never prepared to forgive her of her wrongdoings, or simply because you're too prideful to care about her, or cos you're busy watching your pornography, or because you're having sex outside marriage, or you're too busy pleasing yourself.

I don't want to see your kids running around, growing to be someone who's bitter towards other people, growing up to be someone who purposely causing trouble, simply because you're so easy to raise your hands to hit them, or too busy to discipline them, or too busy pleasing yourself.

I don't want to see those you claim you love contracting cancer, simply because you don't have the self-control to not smoke in front of them. I don't want to see them contracting diseases, simply because you don't have the self-control to not have sex outside of marriage.

You, who profess to love your girlfriend : Grow up and be a true man. Not the kind that continues watching porn, masturbating, or very selfish.

I beg you, please start your journey for betterment now. If you do plan to get married, if you do plan to love someone, these, I beg you do.

Please, don't wait till tomorrow; you might forget about it by then. And don't say you won't forget. I refuse to accept your excuses to see your loved ones cry the next time i see them.

bitter

A Christian can be at peace with God and self, but never with the world.

If he is to deceive himself that his patience and virtues are already perfected, and that he has already attained all the good character traits, he'll probably end up in trouble one day in his encounter with the world.

Sometimes, I wonder whether I'll go crazy with all these people around me, with their unforgiveness, with their mindset problems.

I would be glad to blame it on them, claiming that these people perhaps would one day be at peace with God, at the expense of the Christians who has been absorbing their hurts and problems.
They would have a good end, and the Christians who helped them would ended up all battered and hurt.

But I guess if the patience and virtues indeed comes from God, it wouldn't be such. Because it's not made up, it's not self-imposed, it's not something that is added to us, but instead became our being.

If such is the case, then I guess the bitterness and hurt behind these character of mine shows that I'm not there yet, and I shouldn't fake it. I won't just push people away, or do things differently because I'm admitting that it's not the true traits yet, but rather, to do the same thing, with a different way of thinking.

Did the shepherds change their ways just because they saw the infant Jesus?
They prolly did, but we don't know.
They could still be doing the same thing they've been doing for the years, but their views of life and of God would most surely change, because they've seen God's salvation.

So, I guess I'll still be doing the same things I've been doing, while admitting to my weaknesses and failures, looking forward to a better person God would make me in the future, be it near or far.

church

Why should there be a distinction between you and the church?

Why should there be a "the CF" and "me?"

Is not the church, you, and the christian fellowship, you?

If you, as an individual doing something to serve God, is that not also an act of the church, instead of you personally?

Aren't you the extending hand to reach where others care not to reach, or dare not to reach, or couldn't reach?

Why should there be a saying of "I'm doing what the church don't want or don't care to do?"

If you're doing it, does that not mean that the church IS doing it?

Oh, dearest brothers and sisters, why should there be a distinction between you and me? Why should there be a distinction between the you and the church?

You are part of the church, places and people you touch is an act of the church, inspired by God.

What your brethrens lack, you complement; what you lack, they do so too.

Can we be more loving, accepting, and complementary?

You, the beloved of God, please.

untitled

Lord, Lord,

I guess You just wouldn't let me be very comfortable,
I guess You just wouldn't allow me to do less,
I guess You just wouldn't allow me to do less to avoid more failures?

These things You've prepared me for, these things that You've put into my heart...

You do know how much You're demanding from me, right?

And these things that You wanted me to do, You know how much laughter and mocking I'll receive when things wouldn't work out as expected, right?
You also know that it means I have to be transparent, to expose things I never wanted to, to be vulnerable to people?

You do know all these that You're asking of me, right?

True, I can choose to be comfortable, and to ignore all these tuggings of the heart, but I also know that that is foolishly self-chosen shortsightedness.

So, this I propose, this I plead, that if all these are from You, and these are indeed what You wanted me to do, do take control.

Do anoint me.

Do bless me.

Because only You can.

It's ok for me to face failures, it's ok for me to be laughed at, it's ok for my weaknesses to be made known, but honestly, if it's from You, let me not miss this. Let me not be deceived to do otherwise.

Enable me to submit my all to You, to love You more than now, to yearn to look forward to the wonderful things that You'll do through this pair of small hands.

Because only You are deserving of this life.

And because only You can.

the future

Don't tell me that I'll know how things are when I'm out there, working or whatever, dealing with the real society.

I know how bad it's out there, I know how sucky it is.

It doesn't matter whether I've yet to be there, or is already there. Not much, at least.

If my life turn out great, what would your response be?

"You're lucky."
"Not yet, just you wait."
"God is unfair."

If my life turn out to be what you expect, or (silently wishing) hope, what would your response be?

"I told you so."
"See?"
"I told you so. (repetition)"

Are we to be conformed to the world, or are we here to be a light to others?

Not someone with superior mentality, or to be a blessings, but just to be a living testimony that there exist hope, that God is not dead.

We're not lighted so that people can see (though, that's part of the purpose), but to show people that there is actually Someone who lighted us first, and they too can be lighted up.

Yes, again, you can tell me, "you'll know when you're out there," and again it'll go like I've mentioned above.

But truly, no matter what I have to say, now, it'll always be "you'll know later..." with a hope that I do screw up, I do ended up badly, eh?

So, by you saying that, are you choosing not to bless me, but, to a certain extent, curse me?

Then, if I ever do screw up, I do hope that I'll have the faith and courage and knowledge to tell those who will come after me that, God is still good, no matter what.

I never deserve anything, not even Your sight to be set upon me,
But You saw me, and with love You lifted me and carried me with Your arms,
Adorn me with happiness, joy and glory; these I probably wouldn't have been able to taste,
And if You take these away,
Thank You that You have once gave,
Thank You that You have once loved. (though His love is for eternal.)

You give and take away, You give and take away...

untitled

Even when I refuse to plan too far ahead,
Even when I refuse to think further,
These visions kept coming, streaming down my mind.

Are these from you, or from my wishful thinking?
Make Yourself ever so true in every thoughts that I have,
In every decisions that I make.

I need You,
and in agreement, I declare that Your will be done,
In my life,
and especially in those that I've chosen to love.

mistakes

Do not be afraid of mistakes.

How much can a person learn from successes compared to mistakes?

But I'm not saying that one should go and make as much mistakes as they can. If a mistake happens, learn from it. Refuse to let it go until you've squeeze the last drop of juice from it. Do not let it go to waste.

Is it not for the reason of avoiding more mistakes that we try our best to learn from one that has already happened?

praise You

It's weird that when you go around seeking your own glory, it's either you won't get it or you'll never get satisfied, and will always want more.

But it is also funny that when you let go, and prefer to throw away your own and seek His glory, you're given so much more that you're confused.

You've already let go, as He wished you to, but why is He here, pouring everything unto you?

He gave not when you wanted, He gave all when you've given up.

What am I to do but to accept, and to give a praise of thanksgiving.

"Praise Him, praise the Lord!!!"

via Christus

"Come to Christ, all you who work and are heavy laden, and He will give you rest. Take His yoke upon you and learn from Him, for He is gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For His yoke is easy and His burden is light."
- Matthew 11:28-30 (paraphrased)

"He has come that you may have life, and that you may have it more abundantly."
- John 10:10b (paraphrased)


Having a sudden sense of peace with everything.

And at the same time feeling burdenful for my siblings in Christ.

Torn between self and the Spirit.

I can identify with that. But I can hardly remember the feeling of it anymore. My mind is more attuned to short-occuring incidents rather than periodic ones.

But I know I've been there. I even have a book to remind me, it's entitled "when good is not good enough," and another of my favourite, borrowed from the church library, "how to be a christian without being religious."

As I walk through life, I'm beginning to see clearer the struggle between our inner desires and God's Spirit.

To illustrate, it's like a stick with two ends. One is the sinful nature, and another is God's nature. As you walk in Christ, it's like you're slowly walking further and further from the bad end to the good end.

The real truth is probably more than this, but that's the least I can see from what I've experienced.

That's why it's hard to want to do the right things. That's why it's hard to want to be good. Your "self" is identified with the sinful nature all these while, and that's who you believe you are. And of course, you are all that you are.

But as God leads you along, as you walk with Him, your "self" slowly cease to identify with the sinful nature, and more of God's.

I understand, and I really, really understand what you're feeling; that hypocritical feeling, that "this is not me" thoughts, or the anger, the frustration, the disappointments.

But I plead you to remain in Christ, knowing that all these you suffer for Him is not in vain. You might not bear stripes of scars or bruises for Him, but these inner-struggle, you know who you suffer for.

Remain in Him, and He will remain in you. A fruit is not produced overnight, it takes time.
Is your God blind that He cannot see your desire to honour Him?
Do you think He is slow to come to your aid? His timing is impeccable!

"He will sit as a refiner and a purifier of silver;
He will purify the sons of Levi,
And purge them as gold and silver,
That they may offer to the Lord
An offering in righteousness"
- Malachi 3:3

And would I remind you that the job as a refiner is not easy, to have to sit uncomfortably and to focus on the work at hand, in the heat of the refining fire.

And it is beyond my understanding that God would accept our offerings, when He's the one that has given us all these in the first place.
He gave so that we can give, knowing that we have nothing to give, so that He can be given.

And it is beyond my understanding that He would pick us, little stones from everywhere, to polish us with all His might, so that we can be beautiful and worthy to be fixed to His magnificent crown.

So, do not burden yourself thinking that you're capable to do things *for* God. You merely respond to His gentle (sometimes not) calling and soft nudging, no matter where you are, no matter what it is.

It might be just picking up the litter that you notice from the street, or to just help a friend when you're about to sleep, or even in loving people who are lovable and unlovable.

So, this is my good news for you today,
For you, who are weary,
For you, who are tired,
That you don't become good for Christ; He makes you good.

untitled

One of a lady's prettiest moments would be when she's tending to an elderly with gentleness and care.

And one of her ugliest moments would be when she's talking about another person with disgust and loathe.

Hmm...

on His wings

Am entering a period of silence that I have no idea how long it'll be.

Am gonna disappear for a while, there are things I need to figure out.

There are reasons why you are asked to read the Bible, there are reasons why you are asked to always pray, there are reasons why you are asked to keep close to Christians, there are reasons why you are asked to do good deeds, even in your liberty in Christ.

Even when you don't understand, and cannot see why, would you not just obey, holding onto God strongly for the moment?

Too many things coming at once, again, surprisingly. Am going to tackle em all one by one, if possible.

There's no reason to rush things that shouldn't be rushed, I can only hold on to One who I know will always be faithful.

There'll be a time, that no matter how high you are, that you'll feel like you're falling.
You're looking down that it's so hard to see that you'll be able to rise again, and get paralyzed by the fear.
Try looking up, towards the sky.

Is it still scary?

This terrible moment is for us to go through, not to die from.

For now, I'll leave you with part of a lyric from a song I love dearly for it's truthful words and encouragement.

Point of Grace - Blue Skies

On days of gray,
When doubt clouds my view,
It's so hard to see past my fears,
My strength seems to fade,
And it's all I can do,
To hold on, till the light reappears,
Still, I believe though some rain's bound to fall,
That You're here next to me,
And You're over it all.

I shall be silent for a while, and listen to the Voice I so longed for.

And I shall rise twice the distance I fell.

p/s : And if you would, please spare some of your prayer time to pray for me. Whether I know about it or not, you have my thanks. Know that your prayers shall not go to waste, for our God is a God who hears. Thank you.

untitled

Even when annoyed, even when dissatisfied, even when angered, please be kind enough to choose to love and forgive.
Truly, we can choose to have our revenge and be cruel, but I assure you that when we hurt those who hurt us, we in return are hurt too, whether it is felt or not.

It is through forgiving that we enjoy true forgiveness, and it is through loving that we feel the heartbeat of God.
So, let's judge less, and love more?

untitled

Often, life puts you at a position to compromise your faith and values to either avoid troubles or to gain benefits. It is your choice to decide what to do, for He has indeed paid the full price for your sins.

But do not be shortsighted, for in every trial there is an opportunity to be a better person than you already are, and that is who God has intended you to be, for your very own sake.