not regretted

Should there be any mistake in the practise of present day Christianity, it's in giving people the time, space and freedom to get to know Jesus Christ.

Should there be any mistake in the practise of present day Christianity, it's in giving people the time, space and freedom to change for the better.

And these we refuse to regret.

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On the day that we were born our navel cord was not cut, nor were we washed in water to cleanse us; we were not rubbed with salt nor wrapped in swaddling cloths.

No eye pitied us, to do any of these things for us, to have compassion on us; but we were thrown out into the open field, when we ourselves were loathed on the day we were born.

And when You passed by us, and saw us struggling in our own blood, You said to us in our blood, 'Live!' Yes, You said to us in our blood, 'Live!'

You made us thrive like a plant in the field; and we grew, matured, and became very beautiful. Our bosom were formed, our hair grew, but we were naked and bare.

When You passed by us again and looked upon us, indeed our time was the time of love; so You spread Your wing over us and covered our nakedness. Yes, You swore an oath to us and entered into a convenant with us, and we became Yours,

Then You washed us in water; yes, You thoroughly washed off our blood, and You anointed us with oil.

You clothed us in embroidered cloth and gave us sandals of badger skin; You clothed us with fine linen and covered us with silk.

You adorned us with ornaments, put bracelets on our wrists, and a chain on our neck.

And you put a jewel in our nose, earrings in our ears, and a beautiful crown on our head.

Thus we were adorned with gold and silver, and our clothing was of fine linen, silk, and embroidered cloth. We ate pastry of fine flour, honey, and oil. We were exceedingly beautiful, and succeeded to royalty.

Our fame went out among the nations because of our beauty, for it was perfect through Your splendour which You bestowed on us.

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There are times when I wish I wouldn't have this heart of understanding.

There are times that I hate understanding why people do the things they do. Or why they are the way they are.

Else, I'd be free to blame, and to condemn, and to accuse as I like.
I'd prolly live an easier life.

But then again, things could be worse if I'm not already who I am now.

Sigh. Even while groaning of discontent, let it be my desire to desire what You desire.
Let Your will be done, and not mine.

My life, is never mine anymore, right? I've placed it on Your hands few years ago. Let me not take it back, knowing that it's in a better hand than mine.

Let me not worry, for You are with me.
Let me not fear, for am I not also a servant of the Most High?

Let me not fear of people, but them of me,
Of the things You would inspire me to say,
Of the things You would inspire me to do.

You're set to destroy the works of the devil, so let me tag along.

Let my fears draw me closer to You, seeking courage,
Let my tears draw me closer to You, seeking comfort,
Let my failing heart draws me closer to You, seeking encouragement.
Let my battered body and soul draw me closer to You, seeking healing.

I love You, let not this words fail, for You're a God of the impossible.

in awe

Is it not interesting that when God calls us, it's almost always when we're least prepared for it.

Well, He does prepare us for it, through hints, through nudges, through events, through conversations, but all in all, it's mysterious.

It's so mysterious and interesting that I almost couldn't care less about explaining it; I'd rather just watch and be fascinated.

We struggle with His calling, we wrestle it out, we cry, we whimper, we sulk.

It seems so hard to comply, it seems so hard to obey, UNTIL you obeyed.

When you've finally given in, you'd be so relieved and that such decision does not seem that hard to make afterall. But looking back, you know it is tough.

Why so? Is it because of how our human nature is determined to condemn our person to the depths of hell? Or is it because of temptation from our faithful adversary, the devil?

But it's fun that no matter what, if we do love God, He'll always get what He wants through us. (Doesn't mean He don't get what He wants if we don't love Him.)

We may go into that cycle of complaining to Him, bargaining with Him, arguing with Him.
We may even comply, but with personal agenda(s).

But it's fun to see that our own selfish motives get changed and remoulded, unwittingly, to fit His plans instead.

'All things work together for the good of those who *love* God, to those who are the called, according to *His purpose*.' - Romans 8:28

And even while writing this that I'm having a better understanding of this verse.

Reminds me of a time when I was assigned the task of preparing devotional material for a camp of the Christian Fellowship I belonged to (though I do not feel qualified for such thing.). I was planning to use that opportunity to address a certain issue I see prevailing among my beloved brethrens, only to find that the final product was totally different from what I intend it to be.

And the final form was such that I cannot change it back to fit my agenda.

My Lord gets what He wants, while not revealing His plans to me, and even through my selfishness, shapes me to be a better servant of His.

Well, others might deem the final product not good enough, but I couldn't care less. It's not my job to squeeze result out of people.

I saw how my Lord worked through me, with such elegance, mystery, and authority, that I can do nothing else but to bow down and admire Him of His wonderful ways.

Let me be with You in this wretched body for a while more, in awe of Your wonders and might, a witness among many, of Your goodness and greatness.

And let us be awed to such extent that we cannot help but to invite those around us to also be witnesses of Your awesomeness.

God-given passion

For those who have made it their life's passion to care for people, please do continue this wonderful work that God has placed in your heart to do.

Over the course of time, there would most probably be people who dislike you for it.

They would think that you're a pain, and you'd regret that you even cared.

But if I can even convince you with my words, believe me when I say that between caring and not caring, the regret of choosing the former would be much bearable compared to the latter.

Some would dislike you for caring, some would like you.
Some would like you for not caring, some would dislike you.

No matter what, people would still say things. Care for them anyway.

Trust me on this, that you can live better knowing that you're disliked for caring, rather than knowing what had happened when you did not.

But while on this business of caring, do learn to be more sensitive in words and deeds.
Learn what to say and what not to say.
Learn what to do and what not to do.
Learn when to act and when not to act.
And most importantly, learn to draw strength from God, ask Him for your heart's genuine love, beg Him for wisdom and knowledge.

And ultimately, let this passion and works draw you closer to God by the moments, for is He not the one that has placed it in your heart in the first place, and is He not the reason that you do all the things that you do?

May God bless you in this wonderful work, giving you much more than you can hold, that you would give to others from your overflowing abundance.

heartbreaks

There are times I wonder why the heck do I make such promises; why are such convenants swored?

Choosing to love individuals, and treating them accordingly, to the decision of love I've made.
Showering them with love and care.
Not expecting anything in return, because I'm not doing it so that I can be treated the same in return.

I love because I choose to.
I care because I've made a decision to do so.

But there are times, even with such mindset, that I wonder whether the person even care about these things that I do.

But searching deep within, it is not because I hope to have something in return when I do these things, but when individuals told me that I'm loved too.

If you do love and care for me, why do I feel that you're not?
If you do love and care for me, as you've said, I rather that you didn't say so.

I don't mind learning and trying to love people, but I can't stand it when people say that they love me, and do not act according to what they've said.

I rather you don't love me at all.

But for a while, just for a while, I turned the situation in the light of God, I beginning to wonder things.

I wonder how would He had felt for all the times we professed our love to Him, but we act in opposition to that confession.
How heartbroken are You, how many tears would You have shed?

You, who loved us first, and leaving the decision to love back fully in our hands. And even when we decide to love You in return, You left Yourself vulnerable to the shallowness of our human love, leaving Yourself open to constant heartbreaks.

And look Lord, how heartbroken have You made me, putting such love in my heart, to even feel a fragment of Yours would render me broken, making me collapse and be of no use.
You have placed me in a place to feel Your heartaches, You've placed me in a place where I cannot not do what You want me to do.

If these are my tears, how much more would You have shed?
If this is the extent of my heartaches, how much more are Yours?
If I'm so heartbroken seeing the strife and struggle of Your people, how much more are You?

For those who proclaim of their love for God, but in your deeds you bring shame to such proclamation, I pray that God would put His love into your heart, so much that your heart breaks.
For you who confessed of your love for God, but in your acts you disgrace your own confession, I pray that He would put you in places, in situations, to feel what He's feeling, so much that it breaks your heart.

Why such prayers, are these revenge?

How can I utter revenge when my God has place in my heart the passion to love you?

It is through these that I hope your life would be changed, that you can finally love for real, for has not such been your constant prayer?
It is through these that I hope you'd understand more of who He is, that you would not take Him for granted.
It is through these that I hope you'd step out of your comfort zone, to reach out to many, fulfilling your calling to be a blessing to many, to act out from the passion of your Lord.

May God fill your heart with love so much that it breaks your heart these days, that you would no longer sit still, but would instead turn to Him, to quench His passion for His creations.

acquaintanceship

Everyone is moving somewhere. There are times when our path crosses. And there are times when our path the same for a certain period of time, so we walk together.

We are but lamp holders bumping into one another. Some for a lengthy period of time, some moved on quick. No matter what, we need to go our own way, meeting new people, letting go of the old.

Sometimes, we are like stations. Resting stations for people who are weary. A friendship stop for people who needed it. A lamp holder for people to see for the moments. And often, other people serve us the same way we do them and others.

Most of the time, I feel like my lifelong calling is to be a middle person. God has made me one of the many connectors of one person to another, one of the many connectors of the past and the future.

And I need to learn to not hold on to most friendships for too long. The memory of it will last forever, but there are time I needed to let go of their hands, to let them pursue what they should, even with a broken heart at that.

The next time we don't meet or talk anymore, I shall know that you're already having a close friendship with the next person in this one way road, and that my company is unnecessary anymore. Do not deem it selfish, for we humans need each other, and that we are benefactors of one another. There would be a time when I am not needed anymore, and that God will send you your next friend.

All in all, whether it's in building a new friendship, or letting go of an old one, that God would draw us closer to Himself through all these, through our happiness and our heartbreaks.

Friendship don't necessarily last forever, but the memory of it will.